


LISA: The Blitheful

by keegank



Series: LISA: The Blitheful [1]
Category: LISA (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complete, Crossover, Families of Choice, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, its just pure self indulgence and found family nonsense i'm so sorry, this fic is why we can't have nice things.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23033311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keegank/pseuds/keegank
Summary: The world as they know it is gone, but basic human notions of love, comfort and decency are not. Nor is the age-old human tradition of helping and uplifting others. And if the planet has no hope of rising above the scum that rose to the surface after the Flash, they'd all go out drinking whiskey under the stars. But before they resigned to that, they'd try to revive the Olathe they knew before.Joyful/Hopeful/Pointless crossover born out of me wanting to give Beltboy some love (he deserves it), Grown!Buddy and Five some personality (they deserve it), and Alex and Joel some happiness (they deserve it). I'm a sucker for a good found family story, and with Buddy and Beltboy's families... yeah.(original title was 'team'. this was changed 9/13/2020.)
Relationships: (one-sided in like one chapter), Benny "Beltboy" Oberwinch & Five, Brad Armstrong/Terry Hintz, Joel Miller/Alex Churchland
Series: LISA: The Blitheful [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763320
Comments: 28
Kudos: 42





	1. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buddy connects with a figure from her father's past.

The kids were alright, Alex supposed. Him and Joel had run into two of them and joined them after they patched up his shank wounds. He still remembered how even the small amount of hydrogen peroxide the girl had put on his neck stung like a bitch. His attacker cut him deep.  
Beltboy and Five were their names- that’s what they introduced themselves as, anyway, because shortly after he and Joel joined their party ‘Beltboy’ had quickly dropped the nickname. Joel had slipped up a few times, even though he didn’t mean to, and every time he called Benny 'Beltboy' the poor kid nearly had a mental breakdown. The girl knew how to help him through, though, thank God. If there was a God. Alex considered himself spiritual, but after the Flash even he found himself doubting. His aunt would have smacked him over the head for that.

It took a long time to garner trust within the group, and the other girl made things even harder. The Big Girl, they called her. She was somewhat of a legend in Olathe- mostly because she killed everybody in the East and West and ruled over that entire area with an iron fist… or a mound of squishy, fleshy fists. According to the rumours Joel had heard on Garbage Island and passed back to him, she had the ability to control the hideous mutants that arose from consuming Joy. And the group had met her. And she had come with them.  
She never said why. Alex supposed that she wanted to bring about the return of humanity as well, but it could just as well be that she was bored all alone in her part of the world. Traversing through what Benny dubbed “Weastern Olathe” was like taking a weeks-long ghost town tour. 

This little girl- barely seventeen, raising a three-year-old- the Big Girl, Buddy goddamned Armstrong- had cleared out most of this part of Olathe by herself. It was a miracle she hadn’t been killed, a miracle she hadn’t died in childbirth, a miracle she existed at all to give humanity a new future. An angel of death with a babe in her arms.  
And she joined them, bringing her baby along, mothering him in the best way she knew how. She was trying, he could tell, she was trying so goddamn hard. The others helped when they could, though Buddy seemed to take this as some sort of an attack. Over time, she softened, but not enough, not yet.

She was a tiring woman, and they were on a tiring mission that might never come to fruition. Five had friends- all women, and she wanted to take them and keep them safe. To find them, wherever they might be. Five didn’t truly know; they may have scattered, they may have been killed, but she still wanted to try. Benny agreed. He acted as the unofficial leader of their ragtag gang, and sometimes he wore a blood-stained black mask with a broken heart on it. Made him look more intimidating, he said, and he definitely did. Anything was more intimidating than his baby face.  
Alex and Joel came along on the mission because… well, they had food, water and protection this way. And more and more often lately they heard buzzing about fighting in the City. Might as well try and create a new, even better community, right? Buddy offered some space in her portion of Olathe- as long as she still had some power. The Joy Mutants could help build, put everything together. Joel joked about them being a food source as well, making Buddy gag.

Fast forward a few weeks later and not much changed. The air between the five of them got less tense over time, and Alex was immensely grateful for it. He sat by the campfire next to Joel, the other three and Buddy’s baby (he thought it either had no name, or its name was actually Baby) asleep and snoring. The man in rags yawned, scooting up next to his partner and resting on his shoulder. He smiled as he felt Joel’s hand on his back.

“Tired, Lucky?”  
“Am I ever not tired?”  
“I guess not. You should rest.”  
“I’ll try. Soon.”  
“All right.” There was a comfortable silence shared between them for a while before Joel spoke again.  
“How’s your neck?”  
“Still hurts, but only when it’s touched.”  
“Not infected, right?”  
“Pretty sure it’s not.”  
“Pretty sure? Not fully sure?”  
“It’s not oozing or anything. I’ll update you if I think something’s wrong.”  
“That sounds good to me.”

Alex chuckled. “You’re worried about me, huh?”  
“Ah, Lucky, you make everything so weird.”  
“And kissing me as I bled out in your arms wasn’t weird?”  
“Hey- I might never have gotten that chance again.”  
“Still.”  
Joel huffed, and Alex could tell he was about to get defensive, so he quickly spoke again. “Hey, I’m just teasing you. It’s okay.”  
His partner cracked a smile. “I wasn’t too forward, was I?”  
“By kissing me? No, that’s just what pals do, after all.”  
“Of course…” He leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. “Pals.”  
“The best of them.” Alex cuddled up to Joel further, resting against his chest. “I love you.”  
“I love you, too, Lucky. Go to sleep, all right? We need to get back on the road tomorrow.”  
“Of course. G’night.” he mumbled as Joel held him close. He recalled the days before this before he fell asleep, the days in which Joel held him to keep warm and conserve body heat. Now he held him because he loved him, and it was deeply comforting to know love could still exist in a place like this. Comforting enough for Alex to fall asleep and say that way until his partner nudged him awake in the morning.

\---

“I think we should stop and rest.” Benny said finally, after sixteen hours of driving. Buddy, who was rocking Baby in her arms slowly and gently as he suckled on her breast, tiredly glanced up at the sky and back at him. She nodded.  
“We’ll stop at the next rest stop… or wherever we find the next batch of survivors.”  
“Sounds good. I’m exhausted…” he replied, yawning.  
“One of us should stand guard, though,” Alex spoke for the first time in hours. “Just in case. We have two women and a baby with us, we’re bound to get trouble. They could attack us through the night.”  
“Christ, man, I thought you were asleep,” Benny mumbled.  
“I wasn’t.”  
Buddy glanced over the top of the truck at the road, noticing a light in the distance.  
“Hey.” She spoke quietly but brashly, demanding their attention. “Might be a rest stop up ahead.”  
Alex nodded as Buddy ducked under the car with Baby in her arms and her gold trumpet shoved haphazardly down her tights. He saw Five’s head dip under the dashboard to hide as well. 

The light was coming from a meagre campfire, three men sitting around it. They looked over at the truck as it stopped, but paid no real mind to it. They turned back to the campfire, talking amongst themselves, perhaps a bit more wary than before, but otherwise unaffected by their presence.  
Joel got out and hopped into the back of the truck to face the other four survivors.  
“They seem pretty injured already. No weapons. A lot of old scars.” he said.  
“Do they have food?” Benny asked quickly.  
“Yup. They’re making soup.”  
“Sweeeeeet… I haven’t had anything but jerky in ages.”  
“Neither have we, sport.”  
“I mean, yeah, I know, but still.”  
“Wanna take the chance?” Joel asked, glancing at Buddy. She considered it for a moment.  
“Yes. But if they attack us, one of you take Baby and make sure he doesn’t see what happens next.”  
“Got it. You guys introduce yourselves and I’ll tell Five.”

The three survivors hopped out of the back of the truck and walked over to the campfire. The three men turned to face them.  
“Got room for three more?” Benny asked, and the tallest, sitting on a stool, looked at his companions. They nodded, and the one to his left with the five o’clock shadow gestured to the log he was sitting on. They stepped into the light, and as Buddy did so, the third man gasped, his bow and quiver falling to his side.  
“Holy SHIT! Boys, it’s a--”  
Buddy sighed deeply. “Yes, it’s a woman. I’m a woman. With a baby. I know.”

There was silence for a long moment.  
“...So?” Buddy asked. “If you’re gonna try and get it in, do it now. But I’ll lop your heads off. We have another woman here, too, and I’ll kill you if you touch her unless she does first.”  
“...Man…” the tall man mumbled. “I’m not gonna touch you, I’m just… shocked. There are no women one day and then two the next?”  
“There are more.” Five spoke from behind them, coming to sit down. Joel came up behind her and sat next to Alex, who rested on his shoulder. “We’re trying to find them. I think they escaped from the Joy Boys’ hideout after Buzzo died."  
“What're you gonna do once you find them?” the third man asked.  
“We… aren’t sure.” Benny admitted.  
“We don’t know if we all have enough genetic difference to sustain humanity for long.” Five mumbled. “We need to stay safe, that’s the first priority. Second priority is to get people used to the idea that we might die off, and we’re certainly going to if we keep killing each other.”

“Mm…" the first man hummed. "Anyway. We should introduce ourselves. I’m Terry,” the five o’clock shadow guy said. “That’s Nern,” he gestured to the tall man, “and that’s Olan.” he gestured to the third.  
“Buddy.” she said, causing Terry’s face to fall. “This is Baby... Five, Joel, Alex and Bel-- Benny.” She gestured to all of them in turn, catching herself with Benny’s name just in time.  
“Buddy… Armstrong?” Terry asked, gazing at her incredulously.  
Buddy blinked. “Yes?”  
There was a definite silence. And then…  
“I knew your father.”

Buddy blinked. “You knew… Brad?”  
“Years ago, yeah…”  
“Let me guess. He recruited you on his little quest to find me?”  
“Yeah… all of us, actually.” Terry gestured to Nern and Olan.  
“..Huh. And you stayed together?...”  
“Yeah. I mean, none of us really had any other friends, and… Brad fucked us up bad back in the day. We were wounded horribly.” Olan piped up.  
“He attacked you?”  
“Yeah. In a Joy-induced haze… all he wanted was to get to you.” mumbled Terry.  
“I…”

As Buddy lowered her head and the others exchanged confused and curious glances, Benny piped up. “So… is there enough soup for all of us?”

\---

Late into the night, after the soup feast, only Buddy and Terry were left awake. Five lay using her chest wrappings as a pillow and her poncho as a blanket. Benny laid his head against a log, as did Olan, and somehow Nern was sleeping while sitting upon his stool. Buddy sat next to Alex and Joel, curled up together. Baby was wrapped in Brad’s poncho, laying in Buddy’s arms. She looked up at Terry lazily, rocking her son as the fire flickered in front of her.

“Are you going to sleep?”  
“No. I’ll stand guard, just in case.”  
“I don’t trust you.”  
“I know. But I won’t hurt you.”  
“I don’t know that.”  
“But I won’t.”  
“Prove it.”

Terry was silent for a while, the dying flame illuminating his scarred face. “I… I loved your dad. Did you know that?”  
“...No. I didn’t.”  
“Yeah. He didn’t reciprocate my feelings, but I still loved him. Even after he nearly killed me… I still loved him. That wasn’t him, that was the Joy.”  
“...So, you’re gay.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You don’t want me, then.”  
“No. I’m not going to touch you.”  
"That's surprising."  
"To you, probably."  
"It is. There's only been a few men who haven't tried to force themselves on me. Brad, my uncles… this crazy guy named Yado. Lucky and the Mad Hatter over there, but I mean.."  
She gestured towards them, Alex resting on Joel's chest, warm and cozy.  
"Yeah, I see what you mean."  
"Oh, and Benny. But I don't know what his deal is. I think he only cares about making friends."  
"Friends are a good thing to have. I've been without them for a good chunk of my life."  
"Until you met Brad."  
"Yeah."  
“And… you still love him?"  
“Yes. I do. Do you?”  
“...I don’t know. I really don’t… there were good times and bad. I see both sides of him. But I can’t forget… I’m… he fucked me up, I can’t forgive him.”  
“Well… that’s okay. You don’t need to forgive him to get closure or move on.”  
“...No?”  
“No. But you do need to move on.”  
“I’m trying.”  
“That’s good. Where is he now?”  
“He’s a Joy Mutant.”  
“...Oh. I was hoping he was still… well, he’s still alive, isn’t he? But not sane.”  
“What, do you wanna be my stepdad?” Buddy asked. She was trying to make a joke, but it came out rough. “He’s nowhere nearby either. I left him in the West.”  
“Oh. All right.” Terry slumped slightly, grabbing a stick and poking at the fire’s coals. He looked around for a change of topic, and Buddy saw his eyes rest on the baby in her arms.  
“So.. your son.”  
“What about him?”  
“What’s his name?”  
“Baby. Five helped me name him.”  
“He didn’t have a name before?”  
“No.”  
“Why didn’t you name him?”  
“Couldn’t think of anything to name him.”  
“Who’s the dad?”  
“Don’t know.”  
“Huh... well, how are you gonna raise him? Clearly Brad wasn't the best parent.. how are you going to do things differently?"  
“Why are you asking me that?” Buddy asked gruffly.  
“It’s important. This is the first baby to be born in over a decade, after all…”  
Buddy sighed, leaning back. “...I don’t know. My brother once taught me about pacifism? Maybe I’ll teach him not to fight. Maybe I’ll teach him to be… peaceful. And my future kids, too, if I have them…”

“Good idea.”  
“He had all these ideas for a better Olathe... I want to teach Baby about what he did. Maybe he’ll take up his ideals.”  
“Do you think it’s even possible?” Terry asked.  
“I don’t… know.” Buddy admitted. “But I… want to try. I think Benny and Five want to try, too.”  
“So no more threatening people with murder?”  
“Not unless they try and hurt me.”  
“That’s going to be a lot of people, you know.”  
“I know... no, I don’t. I need to sleep. Too many thoughts.” Buddy mumbled, rubbing her eyes and lying down with Baby in her arms. The fire was pretty much dead now, but Buddy still felt okay. She tucked Baby closer to her chest to keep him warm.  
“I can hold him for you.” Terry offered.  
“I know you can.”  
“Really. You’d be more comfortable.”  
“I know.”  
“Buddy.”  
“I don’t trust you with him. I trust you not to touch me. I don’t trust anyone with him.”  
“...That’s fair. Goodnight, Buddy.”  
Buddy grunted, rolling over and quickly falling into a dreamless haze. She slept until Alex nudged her awake in the morning, Joel grumbling as he pulled his coat back on. The group said a few warm goodbyes and thanked the trio for their hospitality before hopping in their truck and heading back north with a few bottles of soup for the road.


	2. Meals & Mutants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connections form as the group bonds over delicacies no longer within their reach and horrific everyday sights.

Buddy didn’t react to Five when she sat next to her, their bodies rocking with the bumping and jolting of the truck as it ran over every speed bump and dent in the hard, dry ground. Buddy turned away slightly, holding Baby closer to her chest. Five had helped her name the child, but she didn’t need any more than that. Sometimes she felt as though Five was trying to befriend her; if she was, she didn’t understand why. Maybe it was because they were the only two women in their group (or maybe the last two left on Earth).

Buddy shut her eyes when Five began to speak.

“So… you never told me how you lost your eye.”  
“That’s right. I didn’t.”

Five went silent for a moment. Buddy turned to her, meeting her gaze. She studied Five, really taking her in for the first time. It was her first time truly seeing another woman in person. She’d seen the nudie mags men exchanged, of course, and one of the caves in her part of Olathe had pornography scribbled all over the walls. Five looked nothing like those women, those women with long, flowing hair and large breasts and their legs spread like an invitation, all lips and tits and thighs. Five wasn’t non-threatening or submissive like they were; Five was muscular, her breasts bound to her chest with bandages and bloodstains on the wrappings on her wrists. Buddy found herself respecting another person for the first time since she was a baby; when she thought Brad was cool, and his fire magic was cool, before she’d seen him swallow the little blue capsules and empty entire bottles of beer and scream at her and take away everything that made her happy. Protecting her, he called it.   
Buddy shifted slightly.

“Would you like to hear? It’s not that great of a story.”  
“If you’d like to tell me.”  
“Someone scratched at it. He wanted to brand me, make his mark on history.”  
“Who?”  
“Don’t know. Just another faceless asshole.”  
“Oh, yeah. There are plenty of those.”  
Buddy nodded. She’d killed dozens of them.  
“You can’t see out of it anymore, can you?”  
“I ripped it out. It got infected.”  
“Christ. You ripped it out?”  
“Yeah. Severed the nerve with a piece of glass and threw it in the fire.”  
“God, kid…” Five shook her head.  
“I know.”  
“Glad to see you’re still intact otherwise, though. Especially with you fighting every warlord on this side of the planet.”  
“Not quite. I’m missing one of my nipples.”  
“Holy shit. Who did that, some horndog?”  
“Another faceless asshole.” Buddy lied. She remembered Buzzo clearly in her mind, and his last moments played back as she closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten until the memory was gone. ‘Lisa’, he’d called before he died. Brad moaned that name, too, every so often as he followed her around the wasteland. Just another thing Brad had never told her, another puzzle she’d never figure out. There were so many of those.  
“Shit… yeah. It’s a good thing you’re not missing both, though. What else would you feed little Baby?”  
“Whiskey. Diluted, of course.”  
Five cracked up, and Buddy managed a smile. It was the first time she’d made a joke in years.

\---

After what felt like days, it was night again, and the group stopped to rest. This time, though, instead of silence, the crackle of the fire and the soft, deliberate breathing of a group of people trying hard to sleep and not talk to each other, not reach out for the comfort they all needed in the dead of night, there was laughing and the clink of alcohol bottles being placed on the ground. Buddy was sitting up on the hood of the truck with her son sat on her lap, letting the foul amber liquid trail down her throat, trying to clear the layer of grime from her insides and instead adding to it. She was no longer thirsty, though. That was something. She gazed back towards the fire, where the rest of the group was sitting.

"Okay, okay, so…" Benny began, taking a bite of jerky mid-sentence. "Most fucked mutant you've ever encountered: go."  
Joel went first. "Alright, so me and Lucky went into this rest stop, right? And we slept there, y'know, so we weren't all out and exposed."  
"Shit, me and my gang just slept on the ground," Benny laughed, taking another swig.  
"We come out in the morning to find the place covered in blood and entrails and everything horrible. One of the guys has mutated. He wasn't too bad to look at, but he could open his mouth so goddamn wide…"  
"Reminded me of an eel." Alex agreed.  
"Did you kill it?" asked Buddy curiously.  
Joel nodded. "Son of a bitch got me good on the leg, though. Healed fine, thankfully."  
"That's good." Buddy finished off the last of her bottle, tossing it into the back of the truck. "What about you, Benny? Five? You must have run into some of them."  
“Huh... well, there was this one that… well, I wouldn’t say it affected me, but I remember it. I was walking through one of those Joy Labs, and I came across it. Huge, tumors all over, bald, its eyes sunken in and its nose… there was no bump. It was just a hole. Its arms were twisted back.”  
“Christ…” mumbled Five.  
“That’s not all. Its gums were bright red and its teeth were all yellow. It was horrific.”  
“God. Okay, uh, what about you?” Joel turned to Five.  
“Didn’t run into many on my own.” Five shrugged, shifting closer to the fire. “One of them I saw was all tied up like a knot, though. It was squirming. It saw me, but it couldn’t move. I let it be.” She glanced up at Buddy. “Can you throw me my poncho? I’m freezing.”  
Buddy nodded and reached into the truck, grabbing Five’s poncho and tossing it over. She threw it over her head.  
“Thanks a lot.”  
“What about you, kid?” Benny looked up at Buddy. “You can control the beasts, can’t you? With your trombone.”  
“Trumpet.”  
“Ah, that’s it. Anyway, you’ve clearly seen more than your fair share. Any stand out to you?”

Buddy closed her eyes, raising her head to the sky and let the memories wash over her. Brad. Buzzo. Dice Mahone. Twisted limbs and pounds and pounds of flesh. Arrows and smiles and stretched faces and broken bones.

“One.” Buddy lied. “Sweetheart.”  
“...Sweetheart?” Joel furrowed his brow up at her.  
“Yes. She was full of swords and arrows, her limbs like spider legs. Skinny. Long hair.”  
“I’m sorry, her?” Five sat up straighter.  
“That’s what the man who had the trumpet before me called her.”  
“Did he make it?” Benny asked, his illuminated face glowing with curiosity.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Was Sweetheart really a girl?”  
“I don’t know.” Buddy rubbed her temples.  
“Was--”  
“Lay off her, there, man.” Joel placed his hand on Benny’s shoulder. “I don’t think she wants to talk about this.”  
“It is kind of a bummer…” Five agreed, pulling her legs up to her chest.

“Alright, let’s change the topic then,” Alex said. “What were your favorite foods before the Flash?”  
“Candy cigarettes,” Benny said quickly.  
“Huh.” Five shifted slightly. “I always thought those kind of tasted like chalk.”  
“Nah. I liked how sweet they were, and how they snapped when you bit into them. But my friends and I used to work at a fast-food place, so we got the food half-off, and we ate there a lot. It was pretty good, not gonna lie. I’d kill to have a Wally Burger again.”  
Buddy considered his words for a while, imagining the taste of fresh meat before Five spoke up.  
“Can I go?”  
Alex waved his hand. “Knock yourself out.”  
“Okay. I grew up in a survivalist compound--”  
“Well, that explains a lot!” Benny laughed.  
“--and we mostly just ate rations. Like, Spam, meat spread, instant soup, these awful, dry crackers. To drink, there was instant coffee and orange juice powder. We got small packets of salt and sugar. So, as you can imagine, nothing fresh, nothing flavorful.”  
“Yeah, but that wasn’t your favorite food,” Joel paused. “At least, I hope it wasn’t.”  
“No, of course not, but the context is important. So after I left, the first thing I ate was one of these… cracker-cheese things people would put in kids’ lunches. You know what I mean? With the little red stick?”  
When the rest of the group nodded, Five continued. “That was the first thing I ate after years and years of eating bland nothings. It was like manna from heaven."  
“So… cheese-cracker things are your favorite food?” Benny asked, taking another swig from his bottle.  
“Yeah. Not, like, taste-wise… but the emotional aspect of it. The memory, I guess.”  
“Huh.” He considered it for a moment, then turned to Alex and Joel. “What about you two.”  
Alex shifted, resting his head on one of his hands. “Hm… well, my aunt Beth used to cook for me all the time. She was a pretty good chef. Especially on Christmas, she’d come in with this big old ham and potato salad… I guess my favorite would be her food.”  
The group (minus Buddy) exchanged smiles for a moment, basking in a genuinely sweet moment.  
“So… Joel.” Five turned to him, and he sat up straighter. “Yours?”  
Joel put a hand on his chin, thinking it over while the others stared at him, small smiles on Alex, Benny and Five’s faces. He grinned suddenly, nudging Alex with his elbow.   
“Can I say Lester’s stew?” And both of them laughed and laughed.  
Benny cocked his head. “Lester’s stew?”  
“Inside joke.” Alex snickered. “A guy got us to kill some people in this sort of cult that was threatening him, and he gave us stew when we gave him their bodies.”  
“Holy shit. Intense.” Five mumbled, gazing into the fire again.  
“Wait… did he make the stew out of the bodies?” Benny asked, alarmed.  
“No, but I thought so at first. I didn’t eat any of it until he told me it was just imitation pork. And when we brought all the bodies to him, he gave us a hunk of ham.”  
“Ohhh. Good.”

They all went quiet for a moment, until Joel spoke up again.  
“Man, isn’t it weird that even though everyone’s killing each other, going around like violent maniacs and willing to rape any woman-looking thing that crawls into their peripheral vision, cannibalism is still kind of off limits?”  
Benny nodded. “Yeah, that is kind of weird… that’s kind of how it was before the Flash, though, right?”  
Five shook her head. “Nah. Back then it was more ‘murder bad, rape worse, cannibalism unthinkable’, and now it’s ‘murder fine, rape fine, cannibalism unthinkable.”  
“Fair.”

There was silence again, until Buddy shifted, making the truck creak. Five glanced over at her.  
“Oh, wait. What was your favorite food?”  
“Huh?”  
“Before the Flash. What was your favorite food?”  
“Uh…”  
“She wasn’t alive before the Flash, man.” Benny reminded her.  
“Oh. Shit, right. What’s your favorite food in general, then?”  
“What does it matter?”  
“It doesn’t. I just want to know.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I want to connect to you.”

Buddy blinked back her shock at being told this. She stared at Five for a moment, glancing at the four other expectant faces. Somehow, she felt both a lot less and a lot more comfortable.

“I… I… I had these uncles,” she began unsteadily. “Three of them. And sometimes they’d bring me nice things from their trips to the outside, like crayons and clean paper…”  
She looked back up at the group. None of them said anything. Suddenly, Buddy felt like a child again. She hadn’t felt like that since uncle Sticky had told her her bleeding meant she was a woman now.  
“And once, my uncle Cheeks brought me back a chocolate bar. It was really good. There was something sticky in it… uh, I don’t know what it was.”  
“Caramel?” Benny suggested.  
“Oh, yeah, that’s it. And there was something crunchy in it, as well, I think it might have been nuts? It was expired, but it was the sweetest thing I ever had. I’ve never had anything like it since. I ate it all in one sitting and threw up after.” Buddy laughed a little, closing her eyes. “It was so rich, I probably shouldn’t have done that…”

When she opened her eyes again, she saw the others smiling at her. She got up, taking care not to jostle her son, and went to sit down next to Five.

“Oh, wait… Joel, you never told us what your favorite food was.” Benny piped up.  
“Chicken carbonara.” he said simply.  
“Really? No long-winded explanation why?” Five joked.  
“Well, I raised my own chickens…” Joel trailed off as Alex and Benny began to laugh, the former’s laughter coming out as a long wheeze. Five shook her head.  
“You’re joking, right?”  
“Of course. I couldn’t keep yeast alive if I tried.”  
“I feel bad for your boyfriend, then!” Benny cracked, making everyone laugh. 

“Ah, Christ. I might be able to keep him alive if everyone would stop trying to kill him.”  
“Oh, yeah. I’ve been shot in the back, shanked, and…” Alex trailed off, stopping when he remembered a certain autumn day. He heaved himself up again, closing the space between himself and Joel for comfort. “Y’know. I’ve been beaten to shit.”  
“Haven’t we all,” agreed Five, reaching for another bottle.  
“You have that gun, don’t you, though?” asked Benny, and Joel nodded.   
“Yeah, but it’s only got one bullet.”  
“What?!” Benny looked taken aback. “Dude, you need to take some of mine. I have thousands of them.”  
“Nah, mine only takes a specific type,” Joel said, adjusting his hat.  
“Take one of my guns, then. Just in case.”  
Joel frowned, biting his lip. “Mmm… alright.”  
“You seem hesitant.”  
“Yeah… a little. The gun was my grandpa’s, so… y’know, sentimental attachment.”  
“I’m not saying you have to get rid of it; I’m just saying you should take one of mine in case we need to fight somebody.”   
“Yeah. Alright, I will.”  
“Good.” Benny grinned and yawned.  
“Keep your ‘Lucky’ safe,” Buddy smirked.  
Before Joel could reply, Benny spoke again. “I think I’m about ready to rest now. Who gets the backseat tonight?”

As everyone but Buddy piled into the truck (and the back of it, Joel looked back at her and blinked.  
“You coming, kiddo?”  
“Soon.” Buddy said, staring deeply into the fire.   
“Alright. Stay warm.”  
“I will.”

Buddy heard him clamber into the back of the truck. She tucked her sleeping boy closer to her and looked up at the few stars remaining in Olathe’s sky. She thought she saw a red mask and a cloak swish across from her by the fire. She was hallucinating again. It happened occasionally; some parts of Joy never went away, deepening into her psyche like a coastal shelf, poisoning her mind, body and soul. She quickly realized she wouldn’t be able to stay like this alone for long, so she got up and climbed back into the truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was another establishing one, although i'm much more happy with how it came out. will the next chapter have actual stakes and conflict? maybe! i'm just winging it over here and dragging my two readers along with me


	3. Friends Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group has a run-in with a shady gang, forcing Benny to confront one of his deepest fears.

Seeing another, larger group in the distance made the travellers incredibly wary. This wasn’t just another group of survivors; they all wore blue, red, or black checkered clothing- pants, shirts or handkerchiefs. This was organized; probably a gang. And gangs were dangerous.

“We’re probably in the North now,” Buddy commented. “We’ve been encountering more people. No one goes through the East or West anymore unless they’re doing it fast to get to the South.”  
“I don’t know whether to be concerned about that or not,” Joel muttered.  
“Be concerned,” Buddy warned him, pulling down the window and pushing her head out. Benny and Five glanced over at her from the back of the car, and she waved for them to get back inside. With difficulty, the two pulled themselves into the backseat.  
“What’s going on?”  
“There’s a group up ahead,” Buddy explained, pointing at the slowly-growing dots on the horizon with the arm not carrying her bouncing little boy. “Think it might be a gang.”  
“Shit.” Five breathed.  
“Yeah. Five, we need to hide.” Buddy instructed her, crawling into the back.  
Five nodded and slid under the backseat, Buddy following suit as her son cooed softly.  
“Just throw a blanket over us when we get close or something.”  
“Got it. And make sure that kid stays quiet,” Joel said from the front seat. “Nothing would be more suspicious than if they came over to talk to us and heard a baby cry.”  
“I know. Don’t worry.” Buddy began to gently stroke Baby’s forehead, silencing him.

There was silence in the truck for the few minutes it took to get over to the gang. One of them eyed the group, frowning and making a “come hither” motion. Joel grit his teeth and stopped the vehicle, and Alex dropped a comforter over Five and Buddy to keep them out of view. Buddy kept her son close, barely breathing. The pair of women made no noise as a man approached the car. 

“Y’alright there, buddy?” asked Joel, trying his best to seem like a man who wasn’t trying to smuggle two women and a baby into the North.  
“As anyone can be right now, I suppose,” the man replied. He was short, balding, wearing sunglasses and a chain of imitation gold. His pants were black-and-white checkered. “I saw that you’re coming from the west. Odd, since that land is known to belong to the mutants and the Big Girl now.”  
“That’s correct. I was looking for... a friend there.” he lied cautiously.  
“A friend?”  
“Yes, he went to the West to seek out the girl. He went nuts when she was spotted.”  
“A fool, clearly.”  
“Oh, no doubt. I had a run-in with a mutant a while back and stopped looking for him. Freaked me out.”  
“Smart of you. Yet it would have been smarter for you to not have gone at all.”  
“I agree. I won’t be going back.”  
“And those two in the back. What about them?”  
Benny jolted and waved a little. “He, uh, found us in a cave. We were hiding from the beasts.”  
“Hm."

Baby sniffled in Buddy’s arms, and she flinched, pulling him close and shushing him silently. Five bit her lip nervously as Baby began to hiccup.  
“Listen, I’d recommend you stay away from this place. The Big Girl wanders around here often.”  
“Why’re _you_ here, then?”  
“None of your business. Get on out, now, we have things t--”  
Buddy jumped as Baby began to cry, Five stiffening up beside her. The man seemed shocked at first, but he narrowed his eyebrows and motioned for some of his men to come over. Two of them did, pulling out revolvers. As the man pulled the truck door open, Alex hung his head and Benny began to tremble. Buddy scooted back as the blanket was pulled off them and the men narrowed their eyes.

“Boss?” grunted one of the stranger’s lackeys. “Is that…”  
“The Big Girl.” breathed the man. He stood up straighter. “Alright! Everyone out! Hands behind your heads, let’s go.”  
The strangers went to either side of the car and dragged the group out, wrenching the crying Baby from his mother’s arms and lining up the five, holding their guns the whole time. Buddy felt the beginnings of an attack churn up inside her.

“What about this one, boss?” the other lackey pointed at Five as the other few got curious, starting to watch the whole debacle.  
“What about him?”  
“I think it’s a girl."  
The man snorted. "Then check.”  
Five shut her eyes and clenched her fists as she felt a hand on her thigh. She wanted to hit the man touching her, to break his goddamn hand in two, but fighting back would result in her getting a bullet through her skull and she knew it.  
“Holy shit… no fucking way.”  
The man looked back. “It’s a girl?”  
“It’s a fucking girl!”  
“No way! There are two of them! This is fucking huge!”  
“What do we do with the other three?” asked one of them, and their leader looked them up and down.  
“I dunno. We don’t need them, and they don’t have the look of our gang.”  
Alex gazed at the ground, knowing exactly what the man was going to say next. “Kill them?”

“Oh, FUCK that.” Joel immediately pulled out his gun, getting all eyes on him. Before anyone could look at her again, Five went for the nearest gang member and knocked him to the ground with her fists, jumping over him and tripping the man holding Baby. She grabbed the tyke before he could hit the ground and leapt over to Buddy, who took her son and dived under the truck.  
Alex sprung into action, jumping at the man with his gun pointed at Joel, working his leg like a guillotine and dropping him to the floor. Benny dived into the back of the truck, grabbing his arsenal, pulling out one of his guns and kicking off, springing into the air and unleashing a flurry of bullets at their attackers. They attempted to roll out of the way, but two got hit. The leader of the checkered gang growled and grabbed Five by the wrist, pulling her back and throwing her to the ground. Before she could get up, he drove his foot into her back, grinding it in and making her shriek. He pulled back to tread on her again, but before he could he got a bullet through his neck. He fell backward, allowing Five to try and push herself up. As Joel and Alex wrestled with the last checkered man, Benny ran over to her and outstretched his hand. She took it gratefully, and he pulled her up.

“Are you okay?”  
“I don’t know,” she huffed. “My back fucking hurts, I think I’m gonna puke.”  
“Okay, okay- hold on,” he replied, picking a revolver up from one of the dead lackeys, put the safety on and put it in his belt. He put her arm around her shoulders and heaved her up, taking her to safety as fast as she could move.

\---

The long drive away from the scene felt like tens of hours long. When they stopped, Joel parked behind a rock so they wouldn’t be seen before lighting a fire and placing a pot on top, trying to brew some of their alcohol and mushy vegetables into an acceptable soup while Buddy nursed her son and Alex tried to tend to Five as best he could.

"I've had my fair share of injuries," he explained, pressing his hands against her back. "Back and limbs, mostly. If something's really gone wrong, it's likely I'll know about it."  
"Oh, so you _aren't_ a doctor?" Five joked weakly.  
"God, no, I'm just a garbage man."  
"Who failed at kung fu," Benny added, snacking on a small stick of jerky.  
"Hardee har." muttered Alex, but the situation lost all humor as Five shrieked. Alex pulled his hands back.  
"Fuck!" She gasped and let her breath out shakily, feeling a disgustingly painful tingling sensation in her lower back.  
"Okay, okay… I think you might have cracked your tailbone, kid."  
"It's not gonna kill her, though, right?" Benny perked up, almost losing his appetite for a moment. "And it's gonna heal?"  
"Oh, yeah, no. She just needs to rest. It's gonna take longer than it would without, y'know, a doctor taking care of it, but everything's gonna be fine."  
Benny felt himself relax in places he didn't even know were tense, and he took another bite of his jerky as Five relaxed against her seat.  
"Alright, so we've established I'm not gonna die, cool. Now can someone hand me a blanket? I'm freezing and I can't fucking move."

Alex picked the blanket she and Buddy had his under off the floor and draped it over her, hopping out of the truck and going over to sit by the fire. The sun was setting, albeit very, very slowly.  
"Y'know, if we're lucky, we might get to wake up to the moon being out." he commented, gazing at the horizon.  
"Oh, yeah, love it when that happens," Benny said sarcastically. "Makes me feel like I have jet lag. Like everything's been flipped upside down."  
"Ah, well, with the amount you sleep, you might miss it." Buddy snickered, gently patting Baby's back until he belched.  
"Yeah, thanks, Big Girl." Benny grumbled, reaching in the back for another stick of jerky. Joel nudged him.  
"No more. We're having soup soon. You'll spoil your appetite."  
"What are you, my dad?" Benny cracked, but he complied and sat down by the backseat. Joel simply shrugged. 

Buddy got up and went to sit near the fire, but not before gazing into the pot.  
“Man. How’d you guys make food before the Flash?”  
Joel perked up. “No one ever told you?"  
“No. I haven’t been told a lot about what people did before then, but I know it wasn’t like this.”  
“It was _nothing_ like this.” Benny confirmed.  
“So what was it like?”  
“Well, meat came from animals, but instead of jerky most of the time we’d have it fresh.” Joel explained, leaning against the truck. “And when there was jerky, they’d spice it so it actually tasted decent.”  
“And we’d get to actually cook the meat in ovens and on stovetops.” Benny said. “Not on the fire.”  
“Huh. What about vegetables? They grew in the ground?”  
“Yeah, farmers planted ‘em and after the harvest they’d ship them out to the cities so all of us could eat it.”  
“Sounds like a pretty good system.”  
“Yeah. Wasn’t perfect, but…” Joel trailed off. Benny finished for him.  
“It was better than this.”

\---

The sun was still setting, but the group was resting anyway. Five got to rest in the backseat, seeing as she was injured. Benny couldn’t help but worry about her, his first friend since losing them all. As the sun got higher in the sky, he hopped out of the back of the truck and looked in the backseat to make sure she was still alright. He quietly opened the door and crawled in, putting two fingers to her neck to ensure she still had a pulse.

She did. He sighed in relief as she stirred, speaking quietly.

“Benny, what the fuck are you doing.”  
He jumped, but only slightly. “Just making sure you’re still…”  
“Alive?”  
“I was gonna say ‘still okay’.”  
“But am I wrong?”  
“...No.”  
“Christ, man,” Five squinted at him. “Alex said I just need to rest. I’m _not_ gonna die.”  
“I know, I know…”  
“So what’s wrong?”  
“I just… have a _thing_ about friends getting hurt, okay?”  
“A… trauma thing?”  
“No, of course not. It’s not a trauma thing.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah. Trust me, if I were traumatized, I’d be the first to know.”  
“...But you have a thing about it.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Dude, you've probably seen someone die. And that’s fine!” she added quickly. “We’re all fucked up here. It's okay."  
“I’m not-- it isn’t like that.”  
“Prove me wrong, then,” Five sat up slightly, closer towards Benny. “Talk to me about your thing.”  
“Well, I… I don’t know-”  
“Prove me wrong.” she said again.

“I… okay.” Benny exhaled deeply. “I had these two friends. I told you about that, right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“They were my best friends for a long time. We grew up together, we worked together until a day or so before I met you. No, not even that-- like a few hours before I met you.”  
“Okay. How’d they die?”  
“The first one… he was burnt. Right in front of me. Not to death, though, he followed me for a while after that… died right before I found our second friend.”  
“And… what happened to him?”  
Benny, incredibly hesitant, murmured “He hung himself.”  
“Fuck, man, I’m sorry…”  
“I think… I think the Lovelies did something to him.” he said, still quiet. “But he wouldn’t talk to us about it. It ate him up inside.”

There was silence in the truck save for Alex, Joel and Buddy’s breathing. And then…  
“I miss them every single day.”  
“No wonder.”

Five swallowed. “Benny, I hate to say it, but--”  
“I’m _not_ traumatized!” he hissed. “Or whatever the fuck you’re trying to say. I mean… yes, I still think about them… sometimes I have conversations with them in my head, and…” The words only felt safe as long as they were on the tip of his tongue, but he kept speaking. “Sometimes I look at things and think about how much they’d like them… and sometimes I still smell rotting flesh when I think about Clyde…” He was openly shaking now, desperate to hold back tears. “And I keep playing the moment I found Liam hanging there on repeat in my head. But only sometimes! Only sometimes! I’m not, I-I _can’t_ be…”

As he devolved into full-on sobbing, Five held him. He wept and she rubbed his back, taking care of him the way she did after he stumbled into her hiding place, barely able to keep his stomach and small intestine in his body.  
That had managed to heal. Not fully, but he could run again as long as he kept his bandage on tightly. This might never heal at all, but slowly, with every gentle hush Five gave him, Benny started to realize he could look for comfort.

“I-I’m sorry,” he hiccuped. “I’m sorry. This is stupid.”  
“No, it’s not. You can’t help it.”  
“I know. But still.”  
"No. Don't you ever apologize for this, okay? It's not your fault."  
"But what if it is? I could have made Liam talk to me. He didn't have to die. He didn't deserve to die."  
"Benny, you didn't know."  
"I knew something was wrong, but I didn't pry. And now my best friend is six feet under, all because I'm such a stupid FUCK-UP."

As Benny devolved into another wave of tears, Five hugged him closer.  
"No, you're not," she hushed him. "You're not. You couldn't have known this was going to happen, and dwelling on it isn't going to help you."  
"I-I know, but…"  
"Benny. I'm here." Five said softly. "You're not alone. You've still got me. And I know I'm not Clyde or Liam, but I'll do, won't I?"  
"...Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry." He took his glasses off to wipe his eyes.  
"Stop apologizing."  
"No, I… I don't want to make you feel like you're less than they were."  
"I know I'm not, but you'd known them for longer."  
"So? You've been great to me."  
"Huh. Thanks."  
"Of course." He smiled, resting against her. Five lay back again, taking Benny with her. He placed his head on her shoulder. "You're a really good friend."  
"Anytime, man. Now let me rest, or I might actually die."  
Benny managed a laugh, and Five smiled. They both relaxed and fell asleep as the sun finally fell below the horizon.

\---

The group did, in fact, wake up to the moon high in the sky, and before they left, Benny had one last thing to do. From where they were parked, you could finally see the stars- not just the six left in most of Olathe's sky. He knew Liam would have loved it. 

The rest of the group waited for him as he dug a hole, revelling in the blisters he got from scraping at the dirt with nothing more than a rusty gun from his arsenal (hey, it was better than nothing). They offered him help, but he refused. Each drop of sweat and fluid-filled bump on his hands felt like paying tribute to his friends. When his hands began to crack and bleed, he paid it no mind, remembering the many times they'd shed blood for him in the battles they fought together. Life was still a joke to them then, a good one at that. 

Benny cried twice in the process of digging the hole. When he deemed it deep and wide enough, he went back to the truck and brought out two items he'd stashed away- a faded, filthy football helmet with bright blue horns and a pair of glasses that were cracked on the left lens. He gently placed them into the hole and filled it back up with dirt. Five provided him with a large, flat rock to cover the grave with, and he spent a while painstakingly carving an epitaph into the stone in the smallest handwriting he could muster.

Once he was done, he stared at the grave for a long time. When he was finally satisfied, he let the rest know, and they left the area.

Beltboy slept on the way to their next destination, and for once, he dreamt of nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man benny really got his emotional ass kicked in this one huh? i hope i dealt with his trauma with as much respect as is necessary
> 
> i have an idea for next chapter, but i feel i need to put a warning here now: it's probably gonna deal with sexual trauma, since the majority of these people have been through it. if you can't handle that for whatever reason it might be best if you just waited for chapter five. i won't write anything truly explicit, but it could still be triggering.
> 
> thanks to everyone who left a comment or kudos, it really helps me keep my motivation going ❤️


	4. Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex thinks about the turning of the seasons. Benny gets a rockin' new style (and a little bit of therapy, too).

Autumn was once Alex's favorite season. There was something about it he just liked. The colors, sure, and the feeling of the Earth recycling the leaves on the trees and preparing for the new year. He distinctly remembered walking home from school in the autumns of the mid-sixties and crunching the crinkly leaves under his feet when he wasn't balancing on the sidewalks. 

Autumn was no longer Alex's favorite season. There was something about it that unsettled him, made him feel wrong. The colors. The feeling of ghostly hands on his body. He distinctly remembered turning around from a television programme (how was it even running? Was it a hallucination? There was something about that whole thing that was just wrong) and finding that man there.

"You fight back, you die," he'd said, and Alex believed him. He couldn't risk fighting- if he died here, what would happen to Joel? Would he think he'd abandoned him? Were his broken ribs enough to kill him? Worst of all, he might find him. The man he'd left Garbage Island for. The man he'd follow anywhere.

The man who, barely hours later, was kissed by him as he bled out in his arms.

So he'd let that man molest him.

He didn't like autumn anymore.

It got colder and colder as they travelled further north, and he felt more on edge than normal. His memories got a bit fuzzier, his attention span shorter, and he spoke less. The kids didn’t notice; they laughed amongst themselves and talked about what their favourite colors were and the first thing they’d do if Olathe suddenly went back to the way it was before the Flash.

Joel noticed. He was intuitive like that.  
As the kids slept by the fire, wrapped in blankets to stay warm, he wrapped an arm around Alex. He leaned against him, but didn’t say anything.

“...Hey, Lucky?” Joel asked, and Alex glanced up at him. “You okay?”  
“Yeah. Oh, yeah.” He sat up slightly. “Just sluggish, I guess. Cold months aren’t good on my old bones.”  
Joel nodded. “I get that. You’ve just seemed spacey recently.”  
“Have I?”  
“Yeah. Is anything else wrong?”  
Alex sighed, gazing into the fire. He pulled his knees up to his chest.  
“I don’t like autumn.”  
“...Why not?”  
“Just reminds me of something.”  
“You wanna talk about it?”  
“I… don’t know.” Alex looked back over again. “I think you’d need to get cool with a lot of things very quickly.”  
“Hey, I’m cool. Cool as a cucumber.”  
“Haven’t heard that phrase in a while.” Alex chuckled as his partner put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Talk to me, Lucky.”

“Alright. Well, I… do you remember the place we travelled through after we escaped from the Franchise?”  
“Yes. It did give me an autumn vibe…”  
“Yeah. And you remember the house we passed by.”  
“Yes.”  
“I went in there looking for something to help you. I looked through all the rooms, but none of them had anything. I went to leave, but the television was on… I don’t know if I was hallucinating it or what.”  
Joel didn’t say anything, so Alex continued on.  
“When it was over, though, I turned around, and… there was a man there.”  
“Oh?”  
“And he asked me if I was enjoying the world’s last autumn. I asked him what he wanted. He said, ‘human contact’. He told me he’d kill me if I fought back, so… I didn’t. I was thinking about you, honestly. I was wondering what would happen if I didn’t come back. If your injuries were fatal.”  
“...Lucky…”  
“He said he’d see me again soon once he was done. We found him later, dead, by that old man’s shack.”  
“The man in the purple mask.”  
“Yes.”

“...I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.”  
“But if I had come with you…”  
“No. You could barely move.”  
Joel sighed. “I guess you’re right. Still, I’m sorry that happened to you.”  
“Yeah. Me too.”  
“But I’m still here. You know that, right?”  
“Of course.”  
“I’m not going anywhere.”  
“I know.”  
“And if anyone tries to touch you again, I’ll shoot them.”  
“Jesus, Joel,” Alex laughed, closing the space between them. “Zero to sixty in a split second.”  
“What? I’m just being honest. Besides, now that the kid’s sharing his bullets with me, there’s plenty to go around.”  
“Til he uses them all.”  
“God, yeah. I need to teach him how to shoot properly before he kills one of us. He’s a good kid, but sweet Jesus does he waste bullets.”  
“Ah, well. It’d be good to have two expert marksmen on our hands.”  
“Oh, definitely.” Joel straightened up, beaming proudly. “You should rest now, though, Lucky. Your expert marksman will protect you.”  
“You’re not sleeping? Again?”  
“No, I’m fine.”  
“You’re the one driving. You need to rest.”  
“I mean… if you’re alright with staying up all night.”  
“Of course. I’ll just sleep on the way north.”  
“Alright. If you’re sure. Wake me if you need to.”  
“Alright. Sweet dreams, love.”  
Joel removed his hat and rolled onto his side, leaving Alex to look up at the stars alone. The further north they went, the more the stars disappeared. He’d appreciate them while he could.

\---

Five jostled Benny awake at the crack of dawn, a blanket in her arms. After a few protests, he got up and followed her a ways away from the truck, grumbling, leaving his sunglasses behind.  
“Fiiive, it’s too earlyyy,” he moaned, rubbing his head.  
“I want to get this done before we have to go.” she explained, laying her blanket on the dusty ground. She moved gingerly, still sore from her injury.  
“What’re we doing?”  
“Coping session.” she said calmly. “First of several.”  
“Oh, Jesus Christ, Five,” Benny muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Do we need to do this now?”  
“I think it would be good for you, so yes.”  
“And I can’t decide what’s good for me or not?”  
“Yes.” Five sat down, patting the spot beside her.  
“...Fair, I guess.” He sat. “So… how am I gonna _cope_ , then?”  
“Okay. First off, if you ever had an attack as you did a few days ago, you’re gonna need to learn how to bring yourself down from one.”  
“But I have you for that.”  
Five opened her mouth to speak, nearly mouthing the word ‘but’, yet immediately thought better of what she was going to say. She tensed up.  
“...What?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Five.” His eyes were pleading. She sighed.  
“...I might not always be here, okay? I’m not going to abandon you. But with the way things are, I… you know.”  
“Five…”  
“I know. And I’m gonna do my damnedest to keep myself safe, but if something happens…”  
“It’s not going to. You’re tough, you know how to fight, and if you get injured again we’ll protect you, we’ll--”  
“Benny.” Five said softly, sadly, and he looked down. “I can’t promise you I’ll always be around, I can’t. And you can spend the rest of your life in denial, but reality will sneak up on you, and you can ask ‘what if’ questions again and again, but you’ll never find the answers.”

Benny gazed at the ground, a frown on his face.  
“...So we’ll start here.” Five took his hand. “Grounding techniques. Look around and tell me what you see.”  
“Well, I… see dirt.” he said. “And I see you.”  
“Good. What else?”  
“I see…” He looked around. “Joel, Alex and Buddy. The fire. Embers, basically, it went out ages ago.”  
“That’s good!”  
“Yeah? And the truck. The horizon, too.”  
“Okay, perfect. Now, can you smell anything?”  
“Smoke. Residual, from the fire.”  
“Hear anything?”  
“Your voice.”  
“Feel anything.”  
“Your hand.”  
“Perfect.” Five smiled, moving back. “Now, whenever you feel an attack coming on, use your senses. Look for things. Smell, hear, touch, taste.”  
“I don’t taste anything.”  
“Yeah, that one isn’t always applicable.” Five shrugged. “Just do what you can, okay?”  
“Okay. Anything else?”  
“If all else fails, count backwards from a hundred.”  
“...Do I have to get to one?”  
“No. Just do it until you calm down.”  
“Alright.” Benny smiled. “Thanks a lot.”  
“No problem. We’ll do this again next chance we get, alright? I used to take yoga classes before the Flash, and that was very calming. It might help you.”  
“So you want me to twist myself up like a pretzel? No w--”

“Hey!” Joel called from the fire pit, and the pair turned around and looked at him. “What’re you kids doing over there?”  
“Therapy session,” Benny called back.  
“And you didn’t invite us? Me? Your old pal Joel?” he asked, coming over to sit with them.  
“Old’ is right,” Benny snickered, cracking Five up. Joel shook his head.  
“You kids are merciless. I’d ruffle your hair, but I don’t want to impale my hand.”  
“They’re not _that_ sharp!” he laughed.  
“How d’you keep them up, anyway?” Five asked. “I can’t imagine there’s a lot of hair gel around anymore.”  
“Glue,” Benny said simply. Five’s jaw dropped.  
“Glue? Like… _Elmer’s_ glue?”  
“Krazy glue.” he replied.  
“Oh, my god. No, hold on. Hold on.” Five took Benny by the shoulder and hoisted him up, looking around. She grinned as she found what she was looking for, taking him by the hand and rushing towards it.  
“Hey- where’re you going?” Joel asked them, adjusting his hat.  
“We’ll be back in a sec, don’t worry!” Five called back, laughing as she shifted from dragging Benny to running with him as he met her pace.  
“Where _are_ we going?”  
“We’re washing your goddamn spikes out!”  
“What? Why? They’re cool.”  
“They’re tacky, and you’re going to get poisoned.”  
“I didn’t drink the glue!”  
“Through your pores!”

They came to a stop by the river, and Five let him go.  
“Okay. On your knees, I’m gonna dunk you into the water and rinse the glue out.”  
“I’ll get to breathe, right?”  
“Of course. No reason for this if you’re dead.”  
“Alright.” Benny got down in front of the water, and Five took ahold of his head.  
“Ready?”  
“I guess?”  
“Yeah.”

Five dipped him into the water, rubbing at his spikes until they began to come apart into strands of hair. Benny held up a finger to let her know to let him go, and she did.  
“It’s coming along good.” she grinned as he inhaled.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Alright. Dip me again.”  
“Alright.”

They kept this up for a while until his hair came down and the clumps dissapeared, and Five was able to run her fingers through it without hitting a tangle or strands still held together with glue. She let him go, and he inhaled deeply again, huffing, trying not to get his neckerchief wet.

“We done?”  
“Yeah. You look great.”  
“Wish I could see.”  
“Just look at your reflection in the water,” she laughed softly.  
Benny moved his hair out of the way of his eyes. He smiled at the man he saw in the water, his hazel eyes on view and black hair tucked off to the left, the right side shaved off.  
“It’s a good look on you,” Five said, and he beamed.  
“Yeah? Really?”  
“Yeah. Really.”  
Benny laughed, getting back up. They walked back to where the truck was parked, smiles on both their faces.

\---

The other three were waiting for them there, Buddy leaning against the truck and playing with Baby. She covered his eyes with her free hand before pulling it away again.

“Where’s Buddy? There she is!”  
“Where’re Benny and Five?” asked Alex, and Joel snickered, echoing Buddy and pointing at them.  
“There they are.”  
Benny waved, giving a little snicker.  
“Sorry if we kept you waiting,” Five grinned. “I had to give him a makeover. Apparently he’s had Krazy Glue in his hair this whole time.”  
“Five, you do know how dangerous it is bringing strangers back, don’t you? We could be followed.” Alex said, feigning seriousness.  
“Followed scmollowed, Benny looks badass,” Buddy smirked.  
“We can go anytime within the next century, kids.” Joel reminded them, raising an eyebrow.  
Benny elbowed him. “Like you’d survive that long.”  
“Goddamn, you kids are ruthless.”

\---

A few minutes later, they were back out on the dusty dirt road, bumping and rocking with every crack in the earth. Benny was in the back to watch and dry himself off, but the others stayed within the truck. Buddy slouched in the backseat, feeling her stomach growl.

“Do we have enough for soup tonight?” she asked, glancing up at Joel.  
“I don’t think so, kid,” he replied, and Buddy slouched further. “Might as well nibble on some jerky. We’re out of vegetables.”  
“Maybe we’ll find some on the way?”  
“Yeah.” Five smirked. “We’ll find some lying on the side of the road like a Christmas miracle.”  
Joel snickered, but Buddy only squinted.  
“Christmas?”  
“Yeah.” Her face fell quickly. “You’ve… never had a Christmas before?”  
“No. I don’t know what it is.”  
“...Well, it’s a holiday in which people give each other gifts.” Five explained, softening her voice as though she were explaining something to a child. Buddy frowned. She hated that tone.  
“Why? Do they want something in return?”  
“Well, more gifts.”  
“Huh.”  
“It was a really big deal before the Flash,” she went on. “People went all out with decorations and a big feast and everything.”  
“Wish I could have been around for one,” Buddy muttered, staring out the window.  
Five and Joel exchanged glances through the rear view mirror knowingly as Buddy relaxed, closing her eyes.

When they were sure she was asleep, they started to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man i'm just churning these out like butter... the hyperfixation is strong within me  
> next chapter will be nothing but complete fluff. it's going to be incredibly fun to write and i hope it'll be just as fun to read


	5. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buddy gets a day of happiness. Joel gets a yo-yo.

"One, two, three, four, _I declare thumb war!_ "  
Buddy and Benny pressed their thumbs together, straining to beat the other in their little game. Like the several times before, however, Buddy pinned the other's thumb down and held it there for three seconds, Benny’s thumb struggling aimlessly under the weight. Afterwards, she threw his hand down and grinned before Five raised her fist in the air.  
"Winner!" she declared, and Benny clapped for her, a smile on his face.  
"Buddy Armstrong, you're the thumb wrestling champion of Olathe!" he said, getting up and lowering himself into a bow. She laughed, shaking her head.  
"No, get up! I'm not even that good, you're just terrible."  
"No, I'm not." Benny argued, sitting back down.  
"And weak."  
"Hey!”  
“For someone named Buddy, you're _really_ mean." Five snickered, and Buddy grinned.  
“Wanna go again? Best out of twenty-five?”  
“No, I’m good. My wittle thumb’s been too battered already.”  
“Wuss.” Buddy picked her son back up off the ground, glancing off into the distance. Joel and Alex had left in the early hours of the morning (at least, what she assumed were the early hours of the morning) before she was awake and hadn't returned.  
"When are they coming back?"  
"They didn't say." Benny pulled a stick of jerky out of the back and began to nibble on it.  
"I want to get going. I hate being stationary like this."  
"Hm… we could do something productive, instead." Five perked up and opened the door to the backseat, taking out a blanket.   
"Like?"  
"Coping session!" Five set the blanket down next to the place their fire was the night before and sat down. Benny, knowing the drill by now, sat as well, and Buddy followed their lead.

\---

Alex and Joel rooted through a lot of houses on the search for Christmas presents. A lot of them were completely looted, but a few had some stuff left. An abandoned, half-burnt schoolhouse had plenty left (not counting the fridges full of spoiled milk) and there were some perishable food items left in the cupboards of one particularly intact house. There was plenty left; the looters must have been in a hurry. Alex had even found a box of crackers.  
“Not mouldy!” he’d said excitedly. “Just stale!”  
Apart from that, they’d found an onion that was still mostly intact (Joel said you could make a good stew out of nothing but an onion, alcohol, and time) and a packet of crushed-up ramen noodles.  
“Good eatins,” he’d said, holding it up, and they both laughed.  
They’d even snuck around an old apartment building on their search, and dug up a thing or two before getting too spooked by the creaky floorboards and leaving.

Five and Benny had come on an expedition or two as well, but only when Buddy was asleep. Five simply wanted to find her something, and Benny leapt into action the minute he was informed of their plan to put together a Christmas for the kid. He’d rooted through several garbage cans trying to find the ‘perfect’ present, meticulously looking through the wrappers and empty bottles. After his fifth or sixth one, he’d grinned, pulling something out.

“What’d you find, sport?” Joel had asked him, noticing the ear-to-ear smile on his face. Benny reached into his pocket and pulled out a compass- brown, with gold trimming. A red arrow pointed the way north.  
“This! She likes to run around and explore, right? This way she can still find her way back to… wherever she wants to be. To us, I guess. I still need to polish it and everything, get the grime off, but I think she’ll like it.”  
“Yeah. Even if she can’t find any use for it, it’ll still be a nice keepsake,” Alex agreed, and Benny put the compass back in his pocket. He glanced around.”  
“There’s a shed over there,” he pointed out, and Alex looked over.  
“Might go take a look, just in case,” he said. “I’ll come right out if anything goes wrong. If there’s a Joy Mutant inside, or something.”  
“Alright. Stay safe.” Joel reminded him, and Alex nodded, getting on his tiptoes and kissing his partner on the cheek. Joel flushed, taking off his hat as the shorter man left.

Benny smirked when he was out of earshot. “So what’re you getting _him_ for Christmas?”  
“Oh! Well, I, uh…” Joel put his hat back on quickly, straightening it up.  
“I’m kidding, dude,” he laughed, but Joel shook his head.  
“No, I… I did find him something.”  
“Really? What, like… a book about martial arts or something?”  
“I wish. No, it’s… well.” Joel shifted. “I’d rather not say.”  
“Scandalous.”  
“No, it isn’t.”  
“Then what is it?”  
“You need to learn to let well enough alone, son,” he replied, ruffling Benny’s hair affectionately. He groaned in protest, adjusting his sunglasses.  
“C’mon, man, you’re wrecking it…” he grumbled, trying to put his hair back on the left side of his face.  
“I made it better.”  
“You _absolutely_ did not.”  
As Benny pulled his hair through his fingers, Alex returned, empty-handed.  
“Couldn’t find anything?” asked Joel.  
“No, not unless the kid wants a screwdriver or half of a pool cue.”  
“Damn. Ah, well, we have all the time in the world to put this thing together.”  
“At least until the crackers go mouldy.”  
Benny perked up. “You guys found crackers?”  
“Yeah. The place we found ‘em in was only partially looted.”  
“Ooh!“ Benny rubbed his hands together. “God, I’m only getting more and more excited about Christmas.”  
Alex grinned. “Oh, yeah. It’ll be great. One day of indulgence and then right back on the road.”  
“One glorious day..” Benny gazed up at the sky. Joel tapped his foot.  
“We should be getting back. Five and Buddy might be worried.”  
“Oh, yeah. I’ll find our way home!” Benny grinned, pulling out his compass and heading north. Alex and Joel stared at him for a while before Joel called after him. “We went the other way, kiddo!”  
“That we did!” Benny turned around immediately and went to speedwalk past them. Alex shook his head and he and Joel followed suit.

\--- 

Buddy fell asleep in the truck waiting for the two men to return, dreaming of the things she always did- Rando, her father, her uncles, different faces of the warlords and men she’d killed. She already felt awful when Five jostled her awake. It was the first thing she registered beside the fact the truck was moving, rocking her gently. Buddy grumbled, lifting her head.

“Buddy, honey, get up.” She spoke softly, easing the little girl back into the world of the conscious. “Wake up. It’s a big day today.”  
“Who’re we killing?” Buddy asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  
“No one,” Five laughed. “It’s Christmas.”  
“Christmas?” Buddy sat up. “That… holiday thing?”  
“Yeah. We’re gonna have a good day today.”  
“...Okay. Just let me feed Baby, and I’ll be out…”

After feeding her son, Buddy tentatively left the truck, only to immediately be scooped up in a bear hug by Benny and have a little cardboard crown placed on her head.  
“There’s the heavy sleeper!”  
“You could have woken me up earlier…” Buddy mumbled, rubbing her forehead. “What’s with the crown?”  
“My first gift to you!”  
“...Oh. Thanks.” Buddy managed a tired smile, wriggling out of her friend’s tight grasp and going to sit with the others. Five had a black bag in her hands, and Buddy eyed it.  
“Are my other presents in there?”  
“Yup.”  
“Where’d you guys get all of this?”   
“Well, we had to root through quite a few houses to get it for you.” Joel grinned, and Alex nodded.  
“We found enough to make a decent soup, too, so we won’t have to starve tonight.”  
“Huh.” Buddy smiled again. “Thanks.”  
“Ah, it’s fine. Just wanted to make you feel special for a day.” Alex winked, and Buddy smiled wider.  
“I _know_ I’m special.”  
“Ah, shit, what was all this for then?” Benny joked, nudging Five. “Shut the soup down, Joel, she already knows she’s special. Five, trash the gifts.”  
“Language, kids.” Alex reminded them, and Buddy rolled her eyes.   
“Should we get started?” Five suggested, and Benny nodded enthusiastically.   
“Give her mine first!!”

Five nodded and rooted around in the bag until her hand closed around the compass. She brought it out, handing it to Buddy, who inspected it. She didn’t recognize it.  
“It’s a…?”  
“Compass!” Benny said excitedly. “It points the way north. If you head south from someplace and don’t know how to get back, boom. Use it.”  
“Huh.” Buddy tilted it. “It’s really pretty.”  
“And functional!”  
“Yeah. Thanks a lot.”

Buddy pocketed the compass, leaving Benny with a strong sense of pride. Five reached into the bag again, clasping her hand around a piece of cloth.   
“This one’s from me,” she said, and handed it to Buddy. She took it and spread it out, beaming.  
“A jacket!”  
“Yeah! It’s thin, but hopefully it’ll keep you from catching a cold. Plus, it’s red, right? Your favorite color!”  
Buddy nodded happily.  
“Try it on!” Five urged her, and she pulled it on, zipping it up.   
“It fits? It’s not tight or anything?”  
“No!”  
“Perfect. Want your next one?”  
“Yeah!”

Buddy leaned towards her, excitedly awaiting her next present.  
“Oh, this one’s from me, too.” Five said, and pulled out a small bouncy ball. “I thought you could have some fun with this one. Play catch or something.”  
She took it in her hands and curiously tossed it up in the air. It ricocheted back into the air as soon as it hit the ground, and she gasped out a soft ‘oh!’ as it bounced over towards Joel, who caught it.  
“Hey kid, think fast!” he said, and tossed it over to Buddy, who snatched it in mid-air. She turned to Five.  
“Can I have another one?”   
She nodded, and reached back into the bag, taking out a small pacifier.  
“That’s from us,” Joel said. “For Baby.”  
Buddy took it curiously. “What’s it for?”  
“Just put it in his mouth. It’s comforting."  
“...You washed it, right?”  
“Of course.”  
“Good.” Buddy smiled, pocketing it too. "Thanks.”  
Joel tipped his hat as Five reached back into the bag.  
“Oh, damn. These are the last ones, I think,” Five mumbled. Buddy looked over at her, wiggling closer to the bag and trying to look in.  
“That’s fine. Can I see?”  
“Yeah.” Five pulled both things out-- a pad of paper and a box of mostly untouched crayons. Buddy’s eyes widened, and she took them in her hands, flipping through the pad, incredibly satisfied to see the paper unmarked.  
“Wow…”  
“That’s from us, too.” Joel said as Buddy opened the box, looking at the different colors inside.  
“I love it… thank you.”  
“Of course, kiddo.” Joel nodded and Alex beamed. “Hope you have fun with those.”

Buddy looked over her paper, the compass and the ball again while Joel tossed crushed-up chunks of ramen into their pot and Five put the trash bag back into the truck. She looked at her jacket, warm and woolly. There were holes in the sleeves for her thumbs, and despite the few stains and the hole in the side it was cozy. She was happy, and she felt like she was home for the first time in years. As she started to bounce her ball, Benny came over and sat beside her, adjusting the little crown on her head.   
“You like your stuff, Bud?”  
“Yeah.” Buddy smiled up at him. “What’s up with the crown, though?” she asked, and Benny grinned.  
“You remember I used to work at Wally Burger?” he asked, and she nodded. “Whenever a kid would come on their birthday, we’d give them a crown exactly like that one and we’d have to sing them a song. They’d eat free, too.”  
“It’s not my birthday, though,”  
“Might as well be,” Benny shrugged. “Anyway, you wanna go play catch? Might help pass the time.”  
Buddy beamed and stood up, and Benny followed suit, taking her ball. 

\---

Dinner was great. Joel was right; onions, alcohol, and time did make for a great stew, but the noodles improved it tenfold.  
“Though I would have preferred some water and white wine over whiskey,” he’d chuckled as Buddy attacked her share of the crackers. They were stale and barely had a crunch anymore, but Buddy loved them. It was the best meal she’d had in a long time.

When attention was off them, Five nudged Benny. He looked over at her, sipping on his bottle of soup.  
“What’s up?”  
“I got you something.”  
“Oh, really? Shit, I thought we were just getting stuff for Buddy.”  
“It’s okay if you didn’t get me anything, dude.”  
“Yeah... I want you to give me your thing, though.”  
“Alright, alright.” Five reached under her poncho and pulled out a round mass. “It’s a stress ball. You just squeeze on it.”  
Benny took it in his hand and closed his palm around it. He smiled. It offered the barest amount of resistance, but ultimately was squished under the pressure.  
“Hey, this is pretty neat. Thanks.”  
“Of course. I thought you’d like it.”  
“I do! Wish I’d thought to get you a gift, though.”  
“I’m sure you would have if you’d found something that you thought I’d like.”  
“Yeah, probably. If I find anything from now on, though, you're getting it."  
“You don’t have to do that.”  
“I want to.”  
“Alright. Wanna go in now?”  
“God, yeah, dude.” Five grinned, standing up. “It’s getting cold as hell. Hey, Buddy!” she shouted, waving her over. She picked up her gifts and walked over to them.  
“You wanna go in?” Five asked.  
“We can teach you how to sing Christmas carols,” Benny offered.  
Buddy gasped. “There are songs?”  
“Yeah, dude! Come on, by tomorrow morning you’ll know all the hits.”   
They stood up and led her into the car. Benny entered last, waving to Alex and Joel before he got in.

\---

The pair sat in silence for a while, listening to the crackle of the fire as it slowly died and the muffled voices of the kids singing about silent nights and holy nights and Santa Claus Lane. Joel hoped his partner couldn’t feel how tense he was, but he didn’t seem to, and even if he did he said nothing. Not for a while, anyway.  
“That was a good day,” he commented at last, and Joel looked over at him to see that he was looking at the sky.  
“Yeah.”  
“Best I’ve had in a while.”  
“Yeah? S’too bad it couldn’t last a little longer.”  
“Well, maybe it can.” Alex sat up. “I have a present for you. That might prolong things.”  
Joel smiled. “I’ve got something for you, too.”  
His partner chuckled, shaking his head. “Of course you do.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“You’re just considerate like that.”  
“I guess so.”  
“You want me to give you yours first, or..?”  
“Nah, I’ll give you mine…” Joel straightened himself up, reaching inside his coat. Alex didn’t see the gift at all at first, so he squinted.  
“What is…” He saw the glint. His eyes widened. “No. No _way._ ”  
“Yeah.” Joel smiled nervously, outstretching his hand. In his palm was a small ring that glittered in the moonlight.  
“Oh, my God…” Alex couldn’t help but laugh as is eyes started to water. “Of course you did. Of _course_ you did!”  
“So…”  
“What’re you asking me?” He wiped his eyes, but he was still beaming.   
“I guess… d’you wanna be with me forever, Lucky?”  
“Yes. God, yes, absolutely.” Alex took the ring. It took a bit of prodding to slide onto his finger, but it did. He nestled into his partner. “Hope you’re not expecting some kind of huge, fancy wedding or anything, though…”  
“No, of course not. I just wanted to ask you… just… give that to you as a sort of token of my love.”  
“God, that’s so sweet. And do you want to know what I got you?”  
“Yeah."  
Alex could barely stifle his laughter as he pulled the gift from behind his back. “I got you a yo-yo. You just gave me this amazing, wonderful thing and I got you a plastic kid’s toy.”  
“What? No, that’s great. Let me see it!”  
He handed it to him, the blue ball on a string. Joel inspected it and beamed.  
“How’d you know I’d like this?”  
“I dunno. You always liked fiddling around with garbage like that…”  
“Thought it was you that diddled garbage.” Joel raised an eyebrow and Alex snorted.  
“I was told that was a quest for enlightenment.”  
“You’re extremely gullible, Lucky.”  
“Another comment like that and you can take this ring back.”

And they both laughed, because that was an empty promise and they both knew it. They sat there together, Joel trying to figure out how to do tricks with his yo-yo, until the sloppy chorus of Jingle Bells and Baby’s cooing faded from the truck and there was only silence.

\---

The morning was a calm one. Benny woke up from lying on Five’s chest to find Buddy taking up the rest of the backseat, surrounded by crayons and her paper pad open. He sat up and took it in his hands, flipping through the few pages she’d covered. The page that Buddy was lying on before had a drawing of a little girl in a mask and an older, bearded man standing beside a lone daisy. It looked like a child’s scribbles; her drawing talents had gone rusty from not using them for years, not that Benny would know that. He flipped to the other page, and what he saw touched him deeply. She’d drawn the whole group in that child’s scrawl, and they were all smiling. All happy, even the poorly drawn babe in Buddy’s arms.

What really got him, though, were the red hearts she’d drawn on the top of the page.

She loved them.

He stared at her little drawing until he’d burned it into his memory and gently placed the pad back next to her sleeping form. He lay back onto Five.

He’d never felt less lonely in his life.


	6. Cockroaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny learns to shoot properly and the group gets some direction.

Joel had suggested he start trying to teach Benny to shoot a gun properly at least three times in the few uneventful days since their little Christmas celebration. They had come across several camps as they travelled further and further north, however, and each of them feared another confrontation with an armed gang. Benny refused the lessons, though, preferring to think that he- and all of them- were still safe and permanent, and that they had nothing to worry about. He was in denial, and he knew it, Joel knew it, and Five especially knew it, but no one said anything, and Buddy continued to draw in the corner of the truck and Alex practiced his velvet-fu and they all upheld the status quo.

Until one particular 'night', that was, in which Benny couldn't sleep. In times like these, he'd take Clyde's football helm and hug it, or run his thumb on the lens of Liam's glasses. He couldn't tonight, however, so he sighed, resting on Five (as he usually did) and rested, hoping for sleep to come to him eventually. He was barely starting to drift off when a loud noise in the distance made him jump. A gunshot. He curled closer around his friend, his mind full of questions. Another gunshot went off, closer this time, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn't safe, he realized, he wasn't permanent and all there was was hurt and he would be left hurting, alone, isolated. He catastrophized until the others awoke and began to rouse and he was taken out of his stupor with the promise of breakfast.

It was this event that made him insecure enough to ask for help with his shooting.  
"What made you change your mind, kiddo?" Joel had asked, packing away a few empty bottles.  
"Never mind that." Benny said quickly. "I just… I've thought it over, and I don't want to accidentally shoot someone or anything. Or accidentally not shoot someone. Both those things would be bad."  
"How considerate of you."  
"I know." Benny managed a grin. "So…?"  
"Tell you what. I'll get tonight's soup on and then we can have a go. Okay?"  
"Okay. Thanks."

\---

Once the fire was going, Joel set up an empty bottle on top of two crates.  
"What's that for?" Benny asked, and Joel replied with "It's what you'll be shooting."  
"Isn't that kind of a waste?"  
"Nah, we have plenty. It'll be worth it in the long run to get you sharpshooting like a pro."  
"If you say so."  
Joel stood back up and nodded. "You have a gun on you, right?"  
"Of course." Benny took it out. It was wedged into his belt.  
"Good. Always carry one, but make sure the safety's on before you shove it down your pants. Greater men than you have lost buttocks."  
"Didn't have to know that."  
"Just a bit of incentive to follow proper gun safety." he explained. "Alright, kiddo, take a few steps back."  
Benny complied, taking his gun in both hands.  
"Alright. Now get your target in your sights. Ready. Shoulders up. Arms straight out. Aim."  
Benny did so, placing his finger on the trigger.  
"Fire!"  
He pulled his finger back, jolting slightly at the force of the blast. The bullet missed the bottle by an inch.

"Alright, alright. Not bad for your first try doing this properly."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. Try to get more accurate this time."  
Benny nodded, repeating the steps. This time, he shot the bottle, grinning a toothy grin as the shards of glass fell onto the ground and glinted in the sunlight.  
"Good job!" Joel grinned, patting the younger man on the back. "Hold on. I'm gonna go get another bottle."  
Benny smiled, feeling pride well up in him as Joel replaced the bottle.  
"Okay. Now I want you to practice the exact thing we just did, but faster. In a crisis, you aren't going to have all the time in the world to take out your gun and aim. You need to do it at fast as possible."  
"Gotcha."  
"Ready?"  
"Yup."  
"Go!"  
Benny whipped his gun back up, took aim and shot. He got the bottle by the neck, and it exploded, glass flying everywhere.  
"That's it! Ah, kid, you're a natural."  
"Thanks."  
"Just try that a couple more times, alright? I'm gonna go get more bottles…"

They did that over and over again for a little while, Benny shooting most of his targets until the ground was covered in shards and Joel was satisfied.  
"That was great for today, kid. You can put that back now," he said, waving to the gun. Benny put the safety on and popped it back in his belt.  
"Oh, hey, wait." Joel had turned to leave, but Benny got his attention back. "I wanna show you something."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah. Hold on. I'm a little rusty."  
Benny rubbed his hands together before taking one and pointing at the distance. A beam emerged from his fingertip, quick as a flash.  
"Holy shit, kid!"  
"I know! Neat, huh?" Benny shook off his smoking finger, rubbing it on his pants.  
"Shit, you've got some of those ultra-powerful genetics, huh?" he asked, ruffling Benny's hair again. He laughed.  
"Yup. My friend La- Liam did, too. Fire powers."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. He didn't have a great time controlling them, but… y'know."  
"I know." Joel put an arm around Benny, leading him back to the camp. "C'mon, kid, let's go back. The soup might be done by now."  
"Yeah, alright."

\---

Buddy was drawing, her back up against a large rock and her pad of paper in her lap. She'd be completely concentrated if it wasn't for the gunshots going off nearby (they made her jump every time, even though she'd began to expect them) and Alex's footfalls as he practiced his martial arts thing.  
Buddy didn't remember what his was called, but _she_ knew the Armstrong style-- or a bit of it, anyway. Brad had wanted to teach her more (like maybe how to conjure a fireball) but then the Bad Thing happened. Brad had told her he'd stopped drinking (heavily, at least) and taking Joy for her sake but then he went back and did it anyway. And then she started bleeding.  
She prayed she wasn't dying, but Brad was off relapsing so she couldn't tell him and ask him for help.  
Her uncle Sticky noticed. She told him what was wrong. And she never went back to that little mud house again.  
She was snapped out of her thoughts by a thud and a grunt, and she looked up to see that Alex had fallen down. She put her pad and crayons down and went over to help him back up. She took his arm and tried to pull him up, but he waved her off. 

"I'm fine, kid," he said, gingerly getting back to his feet.  
"You sure? You didn't break anything?"  
"No. I'm not _that_ old."  
"I refuse to believe that." Buddy snarked.  
"How old do you think I am?"  
"Eighty-something."  
"Definitely not."  
"How old are you, then?"  
"I was in my late forties when the Flash occurred, and it's been… what, nearly twenty years?"  
"I guess so. So you're…?"  
"Sixty. Or something like that."  
"Yeah. Or something like that."  
Alex shook his head. "Really, kid, I'm fine. I've always been resilient."  
"Clearly. You fought your way past those jersey guys, huh?"  
"Joel helped me, but yes."  
"Yeah. You're tough." Buddy pondered for a moment. Her strength had waned since she quit Joy. She was still agile and fast, but she couldn't perform the beheadings she used to, and if she got caught with nothing but her fists it wouldn't turn out great for her.

"...What are you practicing, anyway?"  
"Velvet-fu."  
"I've never heard of that."  
"No. It's pretty much only me who practices it now."  
"Really? Man… that's impressive. I think."  
"It is. It's a highly reactive style. Took me years to perfect my moves."  
"Huh."  
"Have you been trained in any style?"  
"I mean… yeah, but not much. It was my dad's. Armstrong style. Developed out of pain and self-reflection."  
"What did you learn?"  
"Drop kicks, cannonballs, tackles."  
Alex looked her up and down and raised an eyebrow. "Cannonballs and tackles wouldn't be very useful for someone of your size. You're very skinny."  
"I never found them effective, either."  
"Maybe you would find some of my moves useful."  
"Maybe. You sure you'd want to teach me, though? I've been told I'm difficult."  
"I'm sure. Just a few basic things, first."  
"Alright."

Alex straightened back up and stretched. "Okay. First thing we'll try is the receding stance. It's very easy. Just take a step back, take a breath, regain some energy."  
Buddy nodded, fixing her posture and filling her lungs. She felt some strength return to her.  
"Good, you've got it. There's another stance I remember, as well, but it's more difficult. Put your feet down flat and twist your shoulders back as far as you can. Don't move anything else. It helps if you take a deep breath first."  
Buddy complied, shifting her shoulders back until she couldn't move anymore. She moved back, but she still felt all twisted and tight.

"You're doing great."  
"Thanks. Can we try out some actual moves now?"  
Alex laughed softly. "Eager, aren't you?"  
"Hey, you were the one who wanted to teach me."  
Alex shrugged. "That's true. Now, I'll teach you the flying axe kick. You'll need to practice this one."  
"Flying axe kick. Sounds awesome."  
"In my humble opinion, yes, it is. Stand back, please."  
Buddy shuffled off to the side as Alex kicked off the ground and brought his leg down like a guillotine, landing on his knee. Buddy smiled slightly, clapping slowly.  
"Think you can do that?" he asked, standing back up.  
"Yeah, I think so," Buddy replied. Alex moved back to let her go and she kicked off, picking up her leg but failing to work it before she hit the ground. She fell onto both her knees and huffed.  
"You okay, kid?" Alex asked quickly, and she nodded, standing back up. "I'm fine."  
"You need a break?"  
"No, I'll just try again."

And that she did, trying again and again until she managed to bring her leg down quick as a flash and land on her knee. She grinned at the feat, glancing back at Alex, who gave her a thumbs up.

"You good?"  
"Yup!"  
"You want a break?"  
"Yeah. I'm thirsty." Buddy laughed, heading back to the truck. "Last one there is a rotten egg, old man."  
"I'm not running."  
"Speedwalk, then."  
Alex shook his head, following her.

\---

Later on in the day, the group was gathered around their dying fire sipping from bottles of soup. It was silent for a good long while until Five got tired of it.

"I found something interesting today." she said, getting all eyes on her. Joel sat up, putting his bottle down.  
"What?"  
"Well, I was taking a walk while you and Benny were… doing whatever you were doing. What was it? I heard a lot of gunshots."  
"He was teaching me how to fire straight." Benny spoke up. "Said I'm a professional now."  
"No, I didn't."  
Five rolled her eyes, smirking. "Alright, well, whatever. I was taking a walk, and I found something painted onto a rock."  
"...That's it?" Buddy asked, squinting. "That's boring as hell."  
"That's not all. It was the number five."  
"Huh." Alex gazed at his bottle for a moment before looking back up at Five. "Could just be a coincidence, though."  
"Nope. I followed the rock for a little while. Found another one painted on there, too. I think my friends are leaving me a trail."  
There was an astonished silence in the air for a moment.  
"...So we finally have a trail to follow, huh? About time." Joel said at last, raising his bottle of soup to his lips.  
"Yeah. I think this one could be legitimate, too."  
"Legitimate or not, at least now we know where to go." Buddy said, grinning.  
"Hopefully it isn't far," Benny commented. "And hopefully your friends are okay."  
Five's face fell. "It's a safe bet they're not," she grumbled, rubbing her arms. "But I want to know, at least, if they're not. No dead ends."

"Yeah, I get that." Alex agreed, swirling the dregs of his soup around in his bottle.  
Benny bit his lip. "...So what happens when we find them?"  
"What do you mean?" Five glanced over at him.  
"I mean… are we gonna split up?"  
The others considered it for a while before Buddy finally said the thing on everyone's mind. "I don't see a point."  
"No?"  
"No." Buddy turned her head towards the ground, like she couldn't stand to speak while looking at them. "I... like you guys. I feel like I'm part of a family for the first time. It's a nice feeling."  
The others smiled, but Buddy didn't look up.  
"Yeah." Benny said finally. "I mean, we've been through a lot together now. Might as well stay together, right?"  
"Course." Joel grinned. "We're safer with you being our meat shields."  
Alex elbowed him, causing him to quickly (and sheepishly) admit "Also, uh… we like ya. You're good kids."  
Benny smirked, chugging the rest of his soup. "Geez, thanks, Dad."  
He'd said it jokingly, but Joel tipped his hat in return.  
"You're welcome, son."  
Benny flushed and immediately looked down, tousling his bottle around in his hands. Buddy, on the other hand, finally looked back up.  
"So… we're kind of a team now, right?"  
"You can count on it." Five nodded.  
"A team of cockroaches." Alex snickered. "We're always around, we're never gonna die, and we lived past the end of the world."  
"Fuck yeah! Team cockroach!" Benny grinned, looking back up and placing his hand out in front of the slowly dying fire. The others placed their hands on top of his, and as Benny counted to three they all threw their hands up in the air and cheered "Go, _Cockroaches!_ ". Afterwards, they all laughed until their stomachs hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm incredibly excited about next chapter. i won't say anything about it just in case, but i think you'll all like it ;)))))
> 
> we're getting into the endgame now, though; i only plan on having three or four more chapters. i hope i can end the story in a satisfying, engaging way for you guys!


	7. White Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang traverses further, determined to find Five's friends.

As the gang travelled north, following the fives, Alex took a turn at the wheel and Joel sat in the backseat and did some card tricks for the kids. Of course, they didn’t have all of the cards, and often he fumbled and spilled the cards everywhere, but his swearing often entertained Benny and Buddy more than the successful tricks. Five sat in the passenger’s seat, spotting every 5 they came across and pointing him that way. He didn’t have to talk much in the driver’s seat, and he was thankful for it.

They spent a few days on the road before they saw a very small town come up ahead. Each of them was wary, but Five insisted that the only way out was through the town-- or possibly within.  
“They could be holed up in there!” she’d exclaimed as they saw it in the distance.  
“I don’t know.” Joel had said, hesitant. “It’s a risk.”  
“We’ll be fine! We’re all adept fighters here, aren’t we?” and the others had no choice but to agree, loading up on concealed weapons before following the last five they found into the small town.

Alex drove slowly as the others searched for more fives- perhaps, painted onto a wall, or within an alley, they couldn’t help but notice how desolate it seemed. It was incredibly disconcerting. None of them liked this.  
Buddy held on tighter to Benny’s hand, just in case. Once or twice they could have sworn a shadow moved in the distance.

“This place freaks me the fuck out,” Benny hissed at last. “Shouldn’t there be people out here? It’s not that small.”  
“Yeah…” Five rubbed her arms nervously, gazing around at the homes and holes through the caves. “Oh-- wait!”  
She spotted another number painted above a door and pointed at it excitedly. A sign beside the door read “BAR” in bright red, messy letters.  
“Do you think they’re in there?” Buddy asked cautiously.  
“Not sure,” Five admitted. “There might be another clue as to where they are, though.”  
“Have you guys considered the possibility this could be a trap?” Benny piped up, taking off his sunglasses and rubbing them on his pants.  
“Yes.” she replied bluntly. “Even if it is, we’ll be fine. We can all fight.”  
“We weren’t fine last time! You broke your tailbone!”  
“I fractured my tailbone.” Five corrected him calmly. “And it healed. I just had to rest.”  
“Five…”  
She shook her head. “No. It’s going to be fine. We’re heading in, and that’s that.”  
She gazed around as though expecting the others to object. Nobody did.  
“Wait-- what do we do with Baby?” Buddy asked.  
“Hide him under your poncho.” Five said simply. Buddy nodded. 

The gang packed up their things before leaving the truck just in case, and Buddy carried them in a little knapsack. Benny and Joel concealed their weapons and the women pulled masks over their heads before hesitantly entering the bar.  
The place was dusty and filthy inside, with a rough, coarse dirt floor. There were cobwebs in every corner. It looked completely abandoned, but there was a man tending the bar, wiping a glass with a filthy rag and two others smoking across from each other at a table nearby. Only the bartender looked up when the group entered. He grunted.

“Newcomers.” he said, placing the glass down. “Can I get yous anything?”  
“No, thanks.” Benny gave the bartender what he thought was a charismatic smile, but the others recognized that he was incredibly nervous on that one mannerism alone. “We’re just, uh…” His eyes fell on a passageway beside the men at the table. The number five was scratched above it.  
“...passing through.” He nudged Five, who looked in the direction his face was pointed towards. He felt her perk up beside him. The bartender nodded, going back to wiping down the glass, making it steadily dirtier. The group passed by, going through the passageway. On the other side was a long cave, sharp rocks protruding from the ground and reaching down from the ceiling, and before the exit to the cave was another five.  
“At least we know we’re going the right way,” Five commented as they continued onwards.

\---

Outsider’s Automotive wasn’t exactly a busy establishment, seeing as most people in Olathe preferred to walk or bike around the state. It wasn’t a difficult place to traverse-- the ground was mostly flat. Plus, it was pleasant, walking in Olathe. It was closer to the South-- so, warm. Even the colder months weren’t that cold.  
Five herself preferred to walk to work, at least on nice days, with her earphones in, hands in her pockets and fingers on her keys just in case. Other days, she took the subway, still with her earphones in, blaring rock songs to drown out the loud, inconsiderate dipshits nearby.

As she worked away at a worn wheel bearing the day the world changed, she listened to her coworker jab at as he ate his lunch.  
“So, I was talkin’ t’ May about her kids,” he was saying, his mouth full of sandwich. “And apparently her son’s gotten into some of that guitar shit. And she’d be happy for him, right, if he wasn’t so awful with it. Shit he plays is unhearable. Music from hell.”  
“Tell May to get him lessons, then, Lou.” Five replied from the side of the car. “She should support him. My mom never gave a damn about me, and this is where I am.”  
“Shit, Fivey, don’t say that.” Lou waved his hand. “You’re doin’ fine. ‘Sides, the kid’s got his little brother to support him. Said they’re always sittin’ and listenin’ to records together and shit. The kid’s try’na play back what he hears.”  
“Maybe he’ll learn that way.”  
“Maybe.” Lou agreed. “Anyway, that’s about enough o’ that. How’ve you been?”  
“Right as rain.” Five wiped her brow. “Been short on cash lately, though.”  
“Shit. Maybe ask the boss for a raise? You’ve been here forever, and you do an amazing fuckin’ job. He can’t say no.”  
“No way. Guy gives me the creeps.”  
“What’re you gonna do, then?”  
“I’m donating eggs,” Five said simply. “I gotta go talk to the doctor about it after this shift. He’ll assess me, weigh me, see if I’m healthy enough. They only wanna take prime candidates.”  
“I can assess ya right now,” Lou snickered, and Five grimaced.  
“That’s fucking creepy, Lou.”  
“Ah, you’re a pretty gal. Can’t help it.”  
Five rolled her eyes and said nothing, focusing her attention back onto the wheel bearing.

After her shift, Five took the bus to the hospital, heading in and waiting for her appointment. The nurse called her in, and she walked down the carpeted hallway to the gynecologist’s office.  
“Welcome, Miss O’Riley.” the doctor said, looking up from his file on her briefly and waving for her to sit down. She did, seeing a pink mask with beady eyes and a big, red grin behind his door. For some reason she couldn’t place, it unsettled her.  
“So, you want to donate eggs?”  
“Yes. I hear they pay well for it.” She glanced at his desk. There was a key and a small bowl of hard candies on it. He noticed that she’d looked at it.  
“You can take one of those,” he’d offered, and she smiled, taking one. “And yes. We do. About eight thousand dollars.”  
“Ooh-la-la,” Five commented with a grin, popping the little red candy into her mouth.  
“Now, we will need to have a basic fertility and gynecological exam, and if you’re a suitable donor you’ll have to take a superdose of fertility drugs in the week leading up to the operation. Sound okay?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You’ll have to sign a waiver.”  
“That’s fine.” Five swallowed her candy, leaning forward and twiddling with her fingers.  
“Okay. Let me find it, and you can look it over.” He picked the key up off the desk and headed over to a cabinet, opening it up and flipping through the papers.  
Five nodded, swaying slightly. She was starting to feel light-headed, and this confused her. She’d never had a spell like this. Maybe she was just tired. She’d go to bed early tonight. The doctor pulled the waiver out of the cabinet and sat back down, handing it to Five. She tried to read it, but her vision was swimming. She was beginning to panic. The doctor looked her up and down as everything began to go black and her head hit the desk.

She woke up in a dark room- almost like a cellar- with her heart pounding in her ears and a dull throbbing pain in her cheek. She sat up, pressing a hand against her cheek and pulling it back to find it shiny and wet with blood. Five stood up. There were stairs nearby, leading up to a trapdoor, light coming through the cracks. She took a few steps towards it, her feet clacking against the stone floor. There were dark, breathing mounds around her she took care not to step on.  
Suddenly, the trapdoor swung open, and she was nearly blinded by the bright white that surrounded her. A man stood there, in a mask just like the one she’d seen hours earlier. He stared at her for a few moments before shutting the door on her. She scrambled up the stairs to try and escape, but she heard a scraping noise from above and knew he’d moved something over it to prevent that. She banged on the trapdoor, screaming at him to come back, begging him to let her out, but he didn’t, not even as the other women in the room roused behind her.

\---

The tunnel lead them to a similar place-- not even a village, more so just three or so houses in close proximity. It looked far more abandoned than the former, topped off with a rotting corpse hunched against a door. The cadaver was shot through the eye and swarming with maggots. No one liked looking at it, but it particularly gave Benny the creeps. He’d always been freaked out by anything involving eye mutilation.

They passed by it after a good look (it was like a car crash-- you just had to stop and see it, no matter how horrific it was), following the trail into marsh-like territory. Buddy kept a good hold on her knapsack to ensure nothing would fall out. Benny sighed.  
“I hope they’re not far… I don’t wanna walk too far. Wish we could have taken the truck.”  
Alex nodded in agreement. “I’m getting too old to travel this much.”  
Five glanced at the ground. “Sorry, guys… I’m sure they’re not too far off.”  
“What if they’re not?”  
“I… don’t know.” Five admitted. “We need to try, though.”  
Benny sighed again, and they all went silent save for the shuffle of feet. Hopelessness and doubt hung amongst all of them like a thick cloud.

\---

Alex quit smoking after his second divorce. It was nearly a sixteen-year-long habit, but when he came home and found the letter-- no, more of a note, actually, cold and brief-- from his ex-wife on the dining room table that said she was leaving him, that she was pursuing a divorce, that she was contacting a lawyer and they’d call him, et cetera, he bargained to quit. Although he’d been smoking about a pack of cigarettes a day for ages now, he did it anyway. He didn’t even try to wean himself off of them, or register any suggestion from within that maybe a few hours after your wife walks out on you isn’t the best time to quit smoking. He just stuffed the few cartons he had lying around into the trash.  
Afterwards, he sat on the chair at the kitchen end of the table, reading the note over and over, unable to believe it. All he’d wanted was to settle down, finally live in peace. He thought she’d wanted the same thing. He got up after a long while, going into the bedroom and looking into the closet. All her clothes were gone.

He kept thinking that it was a joke, and kept realizing that it wasn’t-- but he hadn’t seen it coming at all. He wondered if that made him insensitive or stupid. In the days that passed afterward, he realized that he had been both.

Their cat followed him through the house. He’d gotten his ex-wife that cat for Christmas a few years ago (three? four?) because she had seen a few kittens just like it in the window of a Pets Unlimited a few weeks before. He’d gone all out, tying a little bow around its neck with a tag that read ‘HELLO! My name is Smokey! I come with love from Alex’.  
She’d loved that cat at first, but after one too many times she’d ripped up the draperies they drifted apart, and the cat ended up liking Alex more than she ever liked his wife. He liked the cat, too. He was glad there was no chance that she’d try and take her. She made him less lonely. She’d want alimony, though, he knew that. Like he’d be able to give it to her on a garbageman’s salary.

He fed the cat and moped around the house for a little while before going back to the bedroom and collapsing into bed. Too exhausted to cry, he lay there for a long time and let the cat lay on him until he fell asleep. He awoke to a great white light coming from his window. He shut his eyes until it passed before sloppily getting up and looking out the window. Nothing.  
He felt strange, but decided to pass it off as someone’s car passing by. He lay back down, throwing the covers over himself.  
He got five more minutes of rest before the panic began.

\---

The fives continued for a long time. They followed them until Alex could walk no more. Buddy lit a fire and they all sat nearby, having a stick of jerky and a drink each. They were quiet for a long time.  
“So, uh…” Benny looked up at the sky. “What do you guys miss most about life before the Flash?”  
“Christ, son.” Joel shook his head. “You trying to make things more depressing?”  
“No, I’m just… trying to start up a conversation.” Benny looked down again. He bit his lip, trying not to feel worse than he already did.  
Joel softened. “Ah… sorry, kid.”  
“It’s fine.”

Things were silent again until he said “I think I miss the stars. Y’know?”  
The others looked at him. Five managed a smile.  
“Really? You don’t miss fast food, or phones, or…”  
“Toilet paper?” Benny grinned.  
“Well, nah, I miss that too, but… I dunno. We used to get by without all that. We’ve never been without the stars.”  
“We used to get by without toilet paper?” Benny asked.  
“People used to use corn cobs.” Joel replied simply.  
“Yeah, and they’re all dead now,” Five snarked, raising her drink to her lips.  
“Still. I miss the stars, that’s all.”  
“That’s fair… I miss how… constant everything was. We didn’t have to worry about dying every day-- at least, not as much.”  
“What do you mean? I’ve never had to worry about dying.” Joel raised an eyebrow.  
“We’re millennials, dipshit, we had no money.” Five replied simply. Benny nodded.  
“But it wasn’t this bad.”  
“Ah. Yeah, I get that.”  
“But, like…” Benny looked up at the sky again, gathering his thoughts. “Every day, I knew what I was going to do. Get up, brush my teeth, breakfast, work, after my shift I’d hang out with my friends and we’d have something to eat. Then I’d go to sleep again knowing I’d get to do everything over again tomorrow. Now I don’t know what’s going to happen when I wake up. I don’t know if something will happen and I’ll die, or one of you will die, or get hurt. It’s awful.”  
“Son, it’s gonna be fine…” Joel tried to reassure him, but Benny shook his head.  
“You don’t know that, though. You can’t possibly know that.” He sighed. “I’ve been told that so many fucking times. Nothing’s forever. Nothing. And I’m so scared all of this is gonna end horribly… I miss stability.”

There was silence yet again before Alex piped up.  
“I miss my cat.”  
This got a chuckle from the others.  
“You had a cat?” Five asked, raising her bottle again.  
“Yeah. Smokey. I gave her to my ex-wife for Christmas. She always liked me more, though.”  
“Holy shit. You had an ex-wife?” Benny asked incredulously, and Alex nodded. “Two.”  
“Fuck, man.” Benny laughed. “Bi rights, I guess.”  
Alex managed a smile. “I guess? I miss beds, too, though. It’s been way too long since I’ve slept in one.”  
“I’ve never slept in one,” Buddy mumbled, nursing her son. “I wonder what it’s like.”  
“It’s soft. It’s comfy. Much better than the ground.” Benny replied.  
“Better than the backseat?”  
“Loads better.”  
“Man…”  
“I know. Anyways… Five, what do you miss?”  
“I dunno, uh… my job, I guess. I hated my coworkers, but I loved working on cars. Mechanics and heavy-duty repairs, y’know?”  
“Sounds fun.” Alex put his bottle off to the side.  
“I liked it. I’d rather be doing it than struggling to survive everyday. I mean… I wouldn’t have met you guys if I was, but y’know.”  
“Yeah. We know.”

\---

Beltboy met a lot of rude people, being a Wally Burger registrant. His job was very emotionally exhausting that way, and it was physically exhausting as well, as he couldn’t sit at all during his shift. It was the best job he could get without a college education, though, so he’d take it, and think about the hours spent afterwards. He lived for those hours, dicking around with Lanks and Cyclops, playing video games, eating jerky pizza, talking about everything and nothing at all. He loved those two.

They were hanging out after their shift in Beltboy’s shitty apartment, the soon-to-be bullet waster clicking through channels, resting against the arm of the couch, still in his uniform.  
“Man…” he grumbled, quickly flicking past all the sports channels. “What the fuck is the point of paying for cable if there’s never anything decent on?”  
“Get Netflix, dude,” Lanks glanced over at him from the other arm. “My mom has it. It’s a lot better.”  
“God. I have to remember to get it.”  
“I’ll remind you.”  
“Thanks, man.” Beltboy looked over at his friend with a grin before glancing at his minifridge-- the best thing he could afford to keep his food cold. “You guys want some ice cream or somethin’?”  
“Nah.” Cyclops waved his hand dismissively. Lanks shook his head.  
“Alright.” Beltboy slumped back. “Man, I’m bored as hell.”  
“No shit.”  
“What the fuck are people supposed to do when _Olathe’s Funniest Home Videos_ isn’t on, anyway?”  
“I dunno…” Lanks rubbed the back of his neck. “Socialize?”  
“Sounds lame.”  
“I heard Amy’s having a party tonight. We could go, instead of staying here and doing nothing like a bunch of fucking losers.” Cyclops offered.  
“We _are _losers.” Lanks clarified. “And no one wants to see Amy.”  
“Christ, no… I haven’t talked to her in years.” Benny muttered. “She scares the shit out of me.” He was getting nauseous just thinking about having to see her again, but Cyclops rolled his eyes.  
“Whatever. You guys can stay here and jerk each other off, but I’m not staying home tonight like some sort of fuckin’...” He strained to think of an insult. Lanks squinted.  
“Introvert?”  
“I guess.”  
“You’d leave us behind?” Lanks frowned. Beltboy shook his head. “That’s cold, man.”  
“You guys can come along if you want, but I’m not stayin’.”  
Beltboy bit his lip and sighed.  
“Fine, whatever… I’ll come with if Liam wants to.”  
Lanks shrugged. “I mean… I’ll come. But I’m not talking to Amy.”  
“Cool. I’ll just get on something else, and we’ll head out. You have her address, right?”  
“Duh.”  
“Alright. Just give me a sec.” Beltboy got up and left, Lanks and Cyclops waiting for him by the door. It took him five minutes to change, and when he did, they left the building and started heading in the general direction of Amy’s place.__

__She lived in a different apartment building (there were plenty in this part of Olathe), a much nicer one than the three boys lived in.  
“How’d she afford this place?” Beltboy wondered aloud, gazing at the nice carpeting and flowery decor of the lobby.  
“I think she’s a nurse or something now, last I heard.” Cyclops said.  
“Really? A nurse? And she’s throwing parties? I thought nurses had to fuckin’ sleep all the time. It’s gotta be a tiring job.”  
Lanks shrugged as they got into the elevator. Cyclops hit the third floor button, and they started to go up. “Nurses should get to have fun too, though.”  
“That is true. Clyde, you know which room she’s in?”  
“Duh. It’ll be the one blasting music.”  
“I guess so.”_ _

__His assumption was correct-- you could hear Top 40 music blaring from room 336.  
“Christ, she’s gonna get a noise complaint,” Beltboy muttered as Cyclops opened the door. No one turned to look at them; the place was packed.  
“So… what’s the plan?” Lanks asked, rubbing his arms.  
“I’ll tell you what the plan is. I’m gonna go see if I know anyone here, and you guys can stay here and do whatever. Suck each others’ dicks for all I care. Sound good?”  
He didn’t wait for a reply before leaving them behind. Lanks glanced at Beltboy nervously, and he shook his head.  
“Let’s go find some food or something… I’m starving.”  
“Yeah, okay… sounds good.”_ _

__They ended up hanging out against a wall, Benny chewing on a cold slice of pizza and some M &Ms he’d pocketed and Liam sipping on an untouched Cocola-Cola he’d found on the table.  
“I hope this isn’t someone else’s…” he’d mumbled, and Beltboy was quick to reassure him.  
“It’s alright, man, they can just get another one.”  
Lanks sighed and nodded. They hung out in silence before Benny noticed a red head of hair coming at him in the crowd. He grabbed onto Liam’s wrist, immediately getting the urge to flee.  
“Dude, w-what’re you--?”  
“That’s her. We gotta go.”  
“Huh?”  
“Holy SHIT. Benny? Benny Oberwinch!” Amy came towards him, beaming.  
“Fuck…”_ _

__“How’ve you been, man? I haven’t seen you in forever!”  
Lanks frowned at her, and Benny rubbed his neck.  
“Hey, Amy… I’m fine.”  
“Good, man! That’s great. Where’re you working?”  
“Uh… I work at Wally Burger now.”  
“Oh.” Amy blinked. “Well, at least you’re doing something!” She grinned, nudging him in the side. He felt extremely uncomfortable.  
“I guess…”  
“...You came here just to talk to me, didn’t you?” Amy snickered, leaning towards him. “I don’t remember inviting you, so…”  
“No, I mean… my friend was going, and I wanted to tag along.”  
“Liar.” She giggled.  
“I’m not lying.”  
“Okay…” Amy rolled her eyes. “I’m glad to see you, though.”  
Lanks squinted at her. Beltboy rubbed his arm. “Thanks.”  
“Would you wanna hang out again sometime?” Amy suggested. Benny stiffened up. “I know this great cafe nearby… there’s all sorts of board games and stuff in there. They have great hot chocolate…”  
“Well, I-- I mean, I’d love to, but I’m booked.”  
“Booked for…”  
“The next ten years.” Benny blinked, and it took everything in Liam not to facepalm. “Uh-- I need to step outside for a minute, I need a smoke…”  
Before either of them could say anything else, Benny weaved past the crowd and out the door. Liam shook his head and followed him out of the building._ _

__Beltboy leaned against the wall of the apartment as Lanks caught up to him. He glanced away, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.  
“Dude. What happened back there?”  
“I don’t know, I just… she freaks me out. I can’t believe she’d do all that shit to me and then ask me on a date.”  
“Yeah, she’s… really not a good person.” Lanks stood beside him, gazing at the ground. “You’re okay, though, right?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I can’t go back in there, though.”  
“That’s okay.”_ _

__They were silent for a moment as Benny lit his cigarette and took a long drag off of it.  
“You know, it’s funny,” he said softly. “I don’t even like chicks. Not really.”  
“Whoa. You’re gay?”  
“No.” Benny shook his head. “I don’t like guys, either. I mean, they’re fine. It’s all… fine. But I’m just not interested.”  
“Huh.” Liam glanced at the ground. “Aren’t you lonely?”  
“No, not at all. I have you guys, that’s all I need.”  
“Geez… thanks, man.”  
“Of course. ‘Sides, you were the one who got me away from Amy.”  
“Yeah… I could see what she was doing to you. It wasn’t right.”  
“No. It wasn’t.” he agreed._ _

__“So, are we just gonna wait for Clyde?” Lanks asked, glancing over at him.  
“Nah… he could be hours. Just let me finish my cig and we’ll go.”  
“Okay.”_ _

__Before Benny could finish his cigarette, though, he squinted up at the dark sky. There was a bright light growing in the distance.  
“Dude… what’s that?” Liam squeaked anxiously.  
“Dunno…” the other muttered, tossing his cigarette aside. The light was only getting larger.  
“Shit… cover your eyes.”  
He did, and Benny did too, feeling something _shift_ within them as they did. When they opened their eyes again, they were aghast. The ground was dry and cracked, and there was a hill in the distance that certainly wasn’t there before. They heard panicked shouting from the building behind them, and after a quick glance at each other they rushed back inside to find out what was going on._ _

__\---_ _

__After they were all rested up, the group continued to follow the fives to a creaky, dilapidated old two-story house.  
“Think they could be holed up in there?” Joel asked, gazing up into the home’s broken window.  
“I dunno. Alex, you look around for more fives-- even if they aren’t in here, there could be some supplies inside.” Five instructed him. He nodded and carried on, looking around.  
“Wouldn’t they have taken them all already if they were here?” Buddy asked, squinting.  
“Maybe, but it won’t hurt to check.”_ _

__The group entered the building. The floorboards were rotting and termites were eating away at the foundation. The entire place smelled of mold and mildew. Furniture was toppled over, all the drawers in the kitchen and bathroom were open. The television was smashed apart. And, strangely, the place was warm.  
“Okay, so… Joel, you and I’ll check the basement. Benny, Buddy, you look upstairs.” Five said, and they split up, Joel and Benny taking out their guns. The stairs creaked as Benny and Buddy climbed up. There were two bedrooms-- one had the door open, the other didn’t. Buddy creeped over and opened the door, and the first thing they heard was breathing._ _

__A detestable and ghoulish creature lay on the floor, its skin and bones stretched to horrifically angular proportions. It seemed to have ears-- sharp, bony. Its nose and eyes were sunken in. It appeared to have claws at the end of its long arms. Benny stepped back, and Buddy placed her son down, getting into a receding stance as the beast wheeled around to look at them. It hissed, getting up on its haunches, drooling.  
“Oh shit. Are we doing this?”  
“Maybe not.” Buddy pulled out her trumpet and played a few notes. Strangely, this only seemed to agitate the creature, who moaned and bared its teeth.  
“Odd…” Buddy murmured, putting the trumpet back.  
“Huh? What happened? I thought you could control these!!” Benny gripped his gun anxiously.  
“Most of them, not all. Some don’t react properly to the call…” she murmured. “My father, for example. He follows me, but I can’t control him.”  
“Shit.”  
“I’ll distract it. You shoot it through the head.” Buddy demanded, rolling into the room properly. The mutant followed her, wheeling its head around its long neck to do so. It snapped at her, but missed as she raced around. _ _

__The next few things all happened in a split second. Buddy caught her foot on a floorboard, falling over as Benny raised his gun. He shot the mutant in the stomach. It roared in pain, turning to Buddy, opening its jaw to inhuman lengths and diving at her.  
It caught her in the arm, and Benny was horrified to hear the bone snap and her scream as he shot the mutant again, this time in the neck, and it jerked back, tearing away and stretching the sinew. Buddy was screaming her throat raw, no regard for anyone who’d hear her-- all she knew in that moment was pain. The mutant fell to the ground and moved no more, the girl’s arm still clamped in its jaw. Benny heard Five and Joel’s racing footsteps come up the staircase as Buddy lost more blood, her pale skin getting whiter and whiter._ _

__\---_ _

__The paints were prettier under the lamplight, wet and shiny on the postcard. Joel particularly liked this one-- he had a tendency to like all his works, but this one in particular made him smile. The grey cat on the postcard had a very trustworthy face. He liked to think that this was the sort of cat that would wait by its bowl for food and curl up in warm places. He never set out to give the kittens distinct personalities, but they always did. Some were more mischievous-- he thought, once or twice, this would be the sort of cat that would knock a glass off of the counter just to spite the owner, or the type of cat that was always showing its belly and would attack once it was touched, a cat that shed everywhere, a cat that liked to nip at fingers._ _

__Painting calmed him, kept him in a relaxed state-- which he was immediately shaken out of by a panic growing outside. Curious and confused, he put his brush and the postcard down and walked through his house to the door. A congregation of his neighbors stood down the road, and he pulled on his coat and boots and walked down to join them. He couldn’t help but notice that there were exactly no women in the group. His next-door fellow Samuel-- he _abhorred_ being called Sam, despite being a very nice guy-- noticed him immediately, pulling him over._ _

__“Joel-- right, there you are. Do you know what’s going on?” he asked, and Joel shook his head.  
“Not at all. I just heard a panic, and came out to check.”  
“You didn’t see the light?” asked another one of his neighbors demandingly. Joel couldn’t remember his name, and honestly didn’t care to.  
“No.”  
“What, were you in a room with no windows?”  
“Yes, actually.”  
“...Ah. Well, all we know is a big bright light came and now my daughters are gone!”  
“Gone?” Joel squinted.  
“Gone! I can’t find them _anywhere_.”  
“And my wife just… disappeared.” Samuel murmured. “She was there one minute, gone the next.”  
Joel snorted, shaking his head. “That’s not possible. You sure you didn’t just check the paper and she left while you were reading the funnies?”  
“I’m sure. There’s no trace of her.”  
“Jesus… I’m sure there’s a logical explanation, though.”  
“Can’t be. My son’s still around.”  
“So it’s just the women that are gone?”  
“Yes.”  
“Strange.”  
“Very.” Samuel shook his head. “What do you say we do now?”  
Another neighbor piped up. “We go to Town Hall. If anyone knows what’s going on, it’ll be them.”  
“Jesus, Tom, just like you to go to the establishment.” Joel shook his head.  
“What, d’you have a better idea?”  
“No,” Joel admitted. “Okay. Yeah, we’ll go.”_ _

__The group of men began walking towards their destination, not knowing nor suspecting the things that would begin shortly thereafter._ _

__\---_ _

__It was an unspoken agreement between the other four that they weren’t going anywhere until Buddy either recovered or succumbed to her injuries. Alex took a match and attempted to cauterize her arm, but that effort was fruitless; the flame was too small to help and he was afraid of holding the match there too long and damaging healthy tissue. It looked like she was going to bleed out for a moment before Benny, in his desperation, got an idea- he kneeled down beside her pale frame, placing his finger near the wound and setting off his finger beam. Buddy had screamed in pain, but the bleeding had stopped-- it was likely, now, at least, that she wouldn’t die of blood loss. Shock and infection were what they really had to worry about._ _

__Five carried her outside, where they had made a roaring fire out of boards from the house, placing her beside it to keep her warm. She offered no resistance, no complaint. Five tried to wash out her wound with some of their alcohol. It stung Buddy, and her breathing was erratic for a few moments while she did so, but she didn’t say anything. Afterwards, Five took the wrappings from one of her hands and strung it around Buddy’s wound, concealing it from the elements as Joel tried to coax some food into her. To everyone’s surprise, she took it, and after getting her to drink a bit they knew there was nothing else they could do but wait for her to get better or die._ _

__As the sun set, Benny sat beside her, shaking. His worst fear had come true, and it was devastating. He just had to pray she wasn’t going to die and that he wasn’t going to lose his mind if she did. He kept his fingers to her neck, feeling her pulse, not knowing what he would do if it stopped. Alex and Joel fell asleep eventually, holding each other for comfort. God knows they needed it. Five held Baby in her arms, keeping him away from the grisly sight that was now his mother.  
“How are we going to feed him?” Benny asked at last, glancing back at Five. “If Buddy…”  
“I don’t know.” she replied, gazing at the child. She didn’t look at him, and Benny looked away.  
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep as well, lying against his shoulder. It was just him, Buddy and the night then. He was tired, but he wouldn’t go to sleep. He took the hand that he wasn’t counting the remaining beats of Buddy’s heart with and gently stroked her hair. He couldn’t tell if she was awake or not._ _

__“I’m sorry, Bud…” he murmured to her. “I’m so sorry. You deserved better than this.”  
She didn’t reply, nor give any indication she’d heard him.  
“I’m gonna miss you,” he choked out. “I want you to know you aren’t just important to Olathe. You’re important to us. I’m sorry. I love you, Buddy. We love you.”  
To his amazement, Buddy spoke. She didn’t open her eyes, and it was unintelligible gibberish, but she spoke.  
“I’m important, we’re important,” she murmured, resting against Benny.  
“That’s right, Buddy,” he smiled sadly. “We’re important.”_ _

__\---_ _

__Buddy had lost a lot of pieces of herself throughout her life, figuratively and now literally. Her childhood was a whirlwind of dysfunction and trauma caused mostly by Brad and his Joy-altered psyche. After her own experience with Joy and the birth of her son, she’d tried and failed so many times to find some peace and calm within herself. Isolation wasn’t good for her, but she considered it preferable to the world of men who hurt her and would certainly hurt her again._ _

__So when she met another woman, she was utterly floored. She’d seen a truck come up in the distance from her place atop the List as she played her trumpet, surrounded by Joy Mutants. She was confused. Another group of men trying to find her and capture her? Really? Despite all the horrific, violent mutants that surrounded her? She was so confused, she didn’t call the mutants to action right away. She demanded that one carry her and her son down, and it did, on its back, near the truck. It stopped, and she stood, waiting._ _

__The window came down, and she saw inside. The men in the front seat didn’t seem like your typical thugs-- two old men, one in a snazzy coat and hat, the other, a scraggly, bearded man. He looked like a hobo. Behind them, however, was your typical gangster-- liberty spikes, sunglasses, and an open jacket that showed off his nipples, and another person she couldn’t make out. Buddy crossed her arms, putting on the most powerful voice she could muster._ _

__“What are you here for?” They glanced at each other.  
Buddy, impatient, demanded “Well?”  
The fourth face peeked out from behind the nipple-thug, and Buddy was aghast by what she saw and heard. “We’re just passing through. Sorry.”  
“WHOA. Whoa, whoa, hold on. Are you a woman?” Buddy demanded, losing all air of power for a brief moment.  
“Yes.”  
“What the fuck? I thought--”  
“That it was only you. It isn’t.”  
“...Are there _more_?”  
“Yes. At least, I hope so. I helped a bunch of women escape a Joy Lab… I don’t know if they’re still alive or not.”  
Buddy was utterly floored by this. She began to pace, rubbing her forehead.  
“Holy shit. Holy shit, and you’re going to find them?”  
“Pretty sure.” the nipple-thug joked.  
“I’m coming with you.”  
“Whoa, hold on, kid.” the snazzy man objected immediately. “We don’t know you, and from what we’ve _heard_ about you--”  
“I can help you.”  
“Help us’, how?” asked the hobo.  
“I can fight.”  
“So can we.”  
“I know how to scavenge.”  
“So do we.”  
“Besides, you have a baby with you…” the thug said. “I mean… another mouth to feed.”  
“I can feed him.”  
The woman began to speak again. “Another pair of hands couldn’t hurt.” she said, and the snazzy man shook his head.  
“This kid killed every warlord on that list single-handedly.” Buddy blinked. Was that what people thought? She only killed seven, and Rando helped with Beautiful, Hernandez and Van Dam. God, she’d never get those names out of her head. “She could kill us in our sleep no problem.”  
“Don’t touch me, and I’ll have no reason to.”  
The woman looked around at her friends hopefully, and the hobo sighed._ _

__“Get in the back.” he said, and Buddy did, unaware of the way her life would change in the weeks afterward, or just how drastic those changes would be._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter by far, and my second favorite. i know joel's side-story was a tad underwhelming; that's because we don't know much about his life before the flash :/


	8. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five takes a chance.

It was a miracle Buddy made it through that first night-- and a good sign, too, or at least that's what Benny said, not wanting to consider any other reality than the one in which Buddy made a full recovery. They kept her arm clean and elevated and ensured that she was still drinking and eating- at least a little bit.

Once or twice they had to feed Baby. It was an incredibly sad sight to see the child latch onto his mother and have her not react at all.

Buddy didn't become alert (or very lucid at all) until the third day. The others had taken this opportunity to rest up, but they were slowly running out of food. Five decided to go back and try to find some, and Benny wasn't about to let her go off on her own, so the others had to stay put until she returned. 

One night, as the other four sat around the campfire in miserable silence, Buddy spoke for the first time in days, holding her son limply in her arms.  
"Where's Benny?" she asked calmly, looking around at the others. Their eyes fell on her immediately. Joel put a hand on her shoulder.  
"He just went off looking for more food, kid," he explained, and Buddy nodded. "He's gonna be okay."  
"And Five went with him."  
"Yeah. They're alright, don't worry, bucko."  
"Okay."  
"How's your arm feeling?"  
Buddy looked down at the stump sadly-- it ended just after the elbow, and the rest of her jacket sleeve hung there, partially torn and covered in dried blood.  
"It hurts," she said finally. "And I can still… I can still feel it, even though it isn’t there. It feels like it’s been twisted back. And it’s itchy.”  
“What, the stump?”  
“The arm. It’s awful.”  
“Oh. Shit, kid… I’m sorry.”  
“It’s fine. Do we have any painkillers?”  
“No.” Alex shook his head. “We would have given them to you ages ago.”  
Buddy sighed. “That’s okay.”

It went quiet again, save for the roaring crackles of the fire. Buddy had to resist the urge to scratch her stump. She was incredibly tired and light-headed. She knew it would sound childish, but there was something she had to ask.  
“Am I gonna die?” Before the two men could reply, Buddy interrupted them. “And don’t bullshit me, either. Don’t sugarcoat anything. I can handle it.”  
It took a while for either of them to reply. She could tell they were still trying to find a way to break the news to her in the softest possible way. It annoyed her.  
“It’s… entirely possible,” Alex said at last. “We’re doing everything we can, though, and it seems like you’re getting better.”  
“Am I? I can hardly remember anything after I went up against that mutant.”  
“Wasn’t much to remember.” Joel admitted. “Last few days’ve been pretty uneventful. We’ve just been taking care of you.”  
“Thought so… I’m sorry.”  
“What for?” Alex squinted.  
“Holding you guys up. If I’d just been more careful…” Buddy clenched her fist, infuriated with herself.  
“Ah, kid, shit happens.” Joel waved his hand. “Don’t sweat it.”  
“I know, but… I dunno. We’re so close, and we might have found them by now.”  
“It’s alright. We understand.” Alex glanced up. “Besides… there’s a chance they might not even be alive. We don’t know.”  
“So what you’re saying is all of this might be pointless?” Buddy frowned. “That I might die for nothing? That’s _not_ reassuring.”  
“I’m not saying this whole thing was pointless. I mean… think of the bonds we formed getting here. They matter.”  
Buddy was pensive for a moment, but finally nodded.  
“Yeah. You’re right. Still…”  
“I know. Coming all this way for nothing definitely wouldn’t be ideal, but it’s a possibility, and we need to face it.”  
“God. It’d be so cruel if that’s what happens.”  
“Well, the universe is cruel. I’m sure you’ve seen that firsthand-- and so have we.”  
She nodded, with half a glance down at her son.  
“Anyway… this conversation isn’t getting any of us anywhere. You should rest, kid, you need it.”  
“Yeah… alright. Here’s to hoping I make it through the night.” she half-joked, not smiling. She put Baby down and shifted onto her side, trying to get comfortable on the hard ground. It was impossible to. She spent what felt like hours lying there before exhaustion took over, but none of them uttered a word within that time.

\---

Buddy awoke, however, to murmuring. She recognized two of the voices as Five and Benny’s and tried to push herself up. It was difficult, now, with only one arm, though it truly did feel like it was still there. She swore she could move her fingers.  
The others noticed her sit up, and Benny smiled over at her, scooting beside her.  
“Buddy! You okay?”  
She nodded, rubbing her head with her remaining arm.  
“I’m fine,” she replied, slightly hoarse. “Are you?”  
“Oh, we’re fine. Had a nasty run-in with some guys at the bar a while back, but yeah.” Five glanced over at her. She noticed the note to her voice and reached into her knapsack, pulling out a small flask and handing it to Buddy. “We brought back something special for you.”  
Buddy took it curiously and raised it to her nose. It smelled like… nothing. She brought it to her lips and nearly gasped; it was _water_. Pure, sweet water. She chugged the whole flask, taking large gulps that pushed the disgusting layer of grime and filth built up within her down. When it was empty, she finally lowered it, the others staring at her with amazement.

“Shit.” Joel said at last, chuckling. “Save some for us much?”  
“Sorry…” Buddy heaved. “Haven’t had water in a long, long time. Couldn’t resist.”  
“We got a bit more anyway,” Five said simply. “They were pricey, but Benny’s got good bargaining skills.”  
“And I know how to cheat the system.” the short man grinned. “A while back I found a ton of mags that were just, like… anthropomorphic trucks and cars and things like that. I kept them just in case, and it paid off! The guy who sold us the water was going blind and selling the flasks for fifty mags a pop, so I just… gave him the worthless ones.”  
“Maybe they’ll be worth it to somebody out here. I mean, someone’s gotta get off to cars, right?” Joel cracked, and Benny snorted.  
“You have no idea. There was this one that was a plane, right? It had huge thighs, and the exhaust was its asshole or something. People are so goddamn weird.”  
“Guys! Stop it. There’s a kid here.” Five chided them, and Buddy shook her head.  
“It’s okay. I know what this stuff is. I’m not stupid…”  
“I know, but--”  
“You’re not gonna preserve my innocence. It’s gone, okay? It’s fine… anyway.” She cleared her throat. “When are we gonna get back to walking?”  
“Not anytime soon.” Five replied firmly. “You aren’t healed enough.”  
“I might not heal enough,” Buddy argued. “I can walk now. I want to meet your friends before I--”  
“ _If_ you die.” Alex specified, and Benny shook his head frantically.  
“She’s _not_ gonna die.” he said, rubbing his arms. “Listen, Bud, you just need to rest up a little more. So you don’t overexert yourself.”  
“We’ve been stationary for long enough. We need to get moving again.”  
“We have plenty of time, kiddo…” Joel tried to explain, but Buddy was steadfast.  
“I came with you guys just to meet these women. I had to meet more. There’s something in me that just… I need to… I need to know what it means to be a girl. Because all I know is from what men have told me. And it’s stupid, and it’s pointless, I know, but…”  
The others didn’t know what to say, but Five stood up.  
“Buddy, do you wanna take a walk?”  
“Five, she can’t--” Alex tried to object, but Five shook her head. “Just a quick one. I want to talk to her. Does that sound okay?”  
She posed the question to Buddy, who nodded. Five helped her up and took her remaining hand and together they headed off.

\---

“Where are we going?” Buddy asked. Five had a tight grasp on her hand, but not so tight that it was uncomfortable.  
“We passed by a little pond as we were coming back with the supplies for you guys,” Five explained. “I wanna take you there and back. Just to calm your nerves, make sure you don’t feel so…”  
“Stationary.”  
“Yes. I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing nothing.”  
“But I am.”  
“But that’s really all you can do right now.” Five glanced down at her. “Your only job is to rest. And that’s okay. Promise.”  
Buddy sighed. “Okay… what did you want to talk to me about?”  
“I wanted to tell you about how it was for us before the Flash.” Five said. “Us girls, I mean.”  
“Okay.”  
“It… wasn’t great.” Five began, unable to help but laugh a little. “I’m sure you’ve had a lot of vile stuff said to you.”  
“Yeah.” Buddy shivered.  
“Yeah. That happened to all of us. For decades, we were shit on, belittled… we’ve always been seen as inferior. And if not inferior, different.”  
“But we _are_ different,” Buddy said, confused. “We can have babies. Guys can’t.”  
“Well, yes, obviously there are physical differences between the sexes.” Five confirmed. “But a lot of the time we were seen as dumber, weaker, and more emotional than men. That has nothing to do with physical differences.”  
“What does it have to do with?”  
Five furrowed her brow. “I don’t wanna say it’s because men as a whole want power, or because they’re mean-spirited, but a lot of them do and a lot of them are. Not all, but a lot. And… it’s not their fault, per se? Most of them feel that way because it was what society told them, but at the same time, men created that society. And it hurt them, too, because men couldn’t-- can’t-- be weak or emotional without being compared to a woman. As if it’s the worst thing that could happen, being a woman.”  
“Sounds complicated.”  
“It is. And women have had to fight for their rights for a long time. We had to fight for the right to choose who represented us and created our laws, to be people free from our fathers and husbands. We had to fight for the right to love one another. Even up to the days before the Flash, we had to fight.”  
“Did we win?” Buddy asked, looking up at the older woman hopefully, clasped onto her hand like a toddler. Five chuckled.  
“It depends on how you look at it.” she said. “We won the right to vote and be our own people and marry each other. But… the hatred of us never went away. We still had vile words spat at us and guys still felt entitled to our bodies and our love. We still weren’t very represented in the systems that decided what rules we had to follow. We were still making strides, but… we were nowhere near equality.”

Buddy went quiet, thinking over what Five had said.  
"Oh, look-- we're here." She glanced up to see that they were standing in front of a small pond, the water a pale blue. She took a step toward it.  
"You don't wanna go back?" Five asked.  
“No. I wanna rest here for a while.”  
“Okay. Fine by me.”  
They sat down beside it, Buddy watching a small worm wriggle around in the shallow part of the pond by the shore. She scratched at her scalp. Five noticed, seeing for the first time just how matted and large Buddy’s hair was.  
“Hey, honey…” Five leaned over and took a bit of it in her hand. “When was the last time you washed this?”  
Buddy shrugged. “It’s been a long time. My hair was never really my priority.”  
“Geez… and it’s so long. It must get in the way.”  
“Yeah…”  
“Can I untangle it for you?”  
“Yeah. Okay.”  
Five took her ponytail down, smoothing out her hair. She reached into her knapsack and pulled out a bottle, filling it with water and pouring it on her scalp. Buddy shivered again.  
“That’s cold…”  
“Yeah, sorry. Trust me, though, it’ll be easier to do this when it’s wet.” She continued this until Buddy’s hair was soaked enough before starting to run her fingers through it. When she encountered a particularly tight knot or matted piece, she simply hacked it away with a knife. It took a long time, but eventually, Buddy’s hair was smooth and soft, a bit shorter than before. Buddy was gazing at herself in the water.  
“You want it up again?” Five asked, and Buddy nodded. “Just a part of it, or all of it?”  
“Let’s try… all of it.”  
Five did so, tying her hair again. Buddy felt a bit lighter without it hanging down her shoulders, past her waist. Her facial scars were no longer obscured so much, and she smiled. She thought she looked badass.

“You like it?” Five asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“Ready to go back?”  
Buddy nodded once more. “I’m sure the others must be worried about us by now.”  
“Especially Benny.” Five grinned. “The worrywart.”  
Buddy laughed, standing up again. Five began to walk away, and Buddy followed her.  
“Hey, Buddy?” she asked, and Buddy looked up at her.  
“What?”  
“I brought you out here to tell you that women are resilient. That we’re strong. That we’ve been taking shit for centuries, but we’re still here. I want you to know that’s what it means to be a woman. And, honey? You’ve got it.”  
Buddy smiled, taking Five’s hand once more.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. Now, c’mon, let’s get back.”

The two clasped each others’ hands tighter in solidarity as they walked back to the others. Buddy felt a bit more secure.

They ended up waiting a few more days to begin walking again-- Five and Alex still wanted to wait a bit longer, but Buddy got to them. She was starting to feel strong again, she’d said, and the others finally relented, but Five said they should only walk in small increments so Buddy didn’t end up harming herself. She eagerly agreed, and they set off once more, in the direction of another five painted on a rock, and they followed that one to another one over several laugh-filled days of travel. Their spirits were heightened by Buddy’s miraculous recovery, and they were determined to see their journey through to the end.  
So they passed through a mud-filled marsh, the turf light on their feet.  
And they passed through a vale, trees and grass beginning to sprout once again from the cracks in the ground.  
And they scaled a hill, passing by tents and speaking to no one, Buddy and Five pulling masks back on as they did. They rested there, near the peak, prepared to go back down tomorrow.

“We’re getting close, I can feel it,” Five said, holding her hands out in front of the fire to warm them.  
“Yeah?” Benny asked.  
“Definitely.”  
“That’s cool. I wonder what they’re like.”  
“My friends?”  
“Yeah. Can you tell us about them?”  
“Well… there’s Sammy. She’s cool, but she probably won’t trust you guys at first.”  
“I wouldn’t, either.”  
“Of course not. Just give her some time, though, she warmed up to me. She won’t hurt you, though. She trusts my judgement.”  
“And the others?”  
“There’s Mary. You’d like her, Benny, she’s always giving us little hints and bits of advice. She’s a real bundle of sunshine. Her and Sammy joined us after escaping from one of the bunkers where Buzzo and the rest of his Joy Boys kept their women. I brought a few with me from mine when I helped us escape… uh, Zadie, Florence, Piper… and a kind-of old woman, too, I don’t know what they wanted with her. She never recovered enough to tell us her name.”  
“So there are a lot of you, then.” Buddy said.  
“Yes. Six of them in total. I tried to rescue more, but… some were too scared to get away. And some of us died. It was horrific.”  
“What would they want with any of you?” Joel inquired.  
“I don’t know. Not to continue humanity, I guess, since the Joy Boys were under orders not to make any advances on us. It didn’t stop some of them, but… those ones were the ones who showed up without limbs the next day.”  
“Well, karma’s a bitch.” Benny said simply, pulling a bottle of alcohol out of Five’s knapsack. She snickered.  
“Sure is, bud. Anyway… I’m all tired out. What do you guys say we rest? We’re getting close. I wanna look nice when I finally see my friends again.”  
“I don’t think any of us look nice.” Benny laughed. “We all look like shit.”  
“Well-rested, then,” Five corrected herself.  
“I guess so.” Benny yawned, taking his sunglasses off. “Night, all.”  
“Night.”  
“G’night.” Joel stretched as Alex took his usual place lying on his chest. “Here’s to hopin’ we get this over with soon.”  
Buddy shuffled next to the fire, rolling over to keep herself warm, her son still cradled in her arm. She fell asleep peacefully.

\---

They set out again the next morning (or, Olathe’s equivalent of a morning) and headed down the hill, purpose in every step. They continued on and on for what felt like hours, following every five carved into a tree or painted on a rock, until they came to another building, surrounded by gnarled grey trees. The moon was high in the sky at this point, and fog nipped at the group’s heels.  
Scratched above the door was a final five, with an arrow underneath pointing at the door. Five approached it, glancing back at the others behind her.  
“Is… this it?” asked Benny, gazing at the five incredulously.  
“I think so.” she said, rubbing her arms. “Oh, god, I’m so nervous. What if we go in there and they’re all dead? Or if they aren’t there?”  
“What if, what if…” Benny stepped up beside her. “You can spend your whole life asking ‘what if’ questions, but you’ll never find the answers. Remember?”  
“Yeah, I… I remember.”  
“Only way to find them is to confront them. We need to go inside.”  
“Okay.”  
“We’ve got you.” Buddy told her, taking hold of Five’s hand again. She smiled and took hold of the doorknob, twisting the door open and stepping through.

In front of her was a long, grey hallway. A lone cobweb hung in the corner with no spider sitting within. Debris littered the floor as Five walked down, followed closely by her party.  
They entered another room, a darker one. Five felt Buddy cling onto her as they entered the darkness, and Five lit a match to try and see what she was doing.  
“Girls?” she asked softly, raising it up. “Is anyone in here?”  
The moment the words left her lips, she felt a hard, blunt force against her side, knocking her down. She cried out, hearing two thumps at her side and Joel shout “Hey, easy on the cargo!” and knew the others were being tackled too. She heard a familiar voice from above cry “Mary, lights ON!” and she knew who was pinning her down. The lights coming on to reveal her face only made it more real as the woman’s eyes widened in recognition.

“F… Five?” she asked incredulously, dropping the weapon in her hand. “It’s… It’s _really_ you?”  
“Sammy…” Five beamed, sitting up and cupping her friend’s cheek. “Yes, it is! I’m here!”  
Sammy threw her arms around Five, beaming, reveling in the reunion, the feel of her friend, knowing that she was okay.  
“I thought I’d never see you again! We were all so sure you were dead!”  
“Hey! I wasn’t.” Five looked up to see Mary standing by the lights in her glasses and cheetah-print dress, looking affronted. “I had complete faith in you, Five.”  
“Yeah, well… _I_ was sure you were dead.” The redhead grinned nervously, getting up off her friend and brushing her hair back behind her ears.  
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Five snickered, standing up.

A woman with long blonde hair who had Benny pinned down looked up at her.  
“And these guys are safe?” she asked. “They’re with you?”  
“Yes, Florence, they’re fine. And surprisingly, they've never made a pass at me or tried to convince me that not all men."  
The women pinning down the others moved off, letting them stand up.  
“Who are these guys?” asked Sammy. She eyed them suspiciously until she noticed Buddy.  
“Wait. Holy _fuck_ , you have a kid with you!”  
“A little girl!” agreed another woman in a green poncho who was previously holding Joel’s hands behind his back. “And she’s so roughed up… and she has a baby!!!”  
“Yeah… that’s Buddy.” Buddy waved a little as the women crowded around to inspect her and her son, who was gazing at the women in wide-eyed wonder.  
“Whoa… Buddy _Armstrong_?” asked Florence, her eyes wide.  
“Our very own!” Benny grinned proudly. The others turned to look at him.

“Again… who are these guys?” Sammy repeated, squinting at them.  
“Joel, Alex and Benny.” Five said, pointing at each of them in turn. “Guys, these are Sammy-” she pointed at the redhead in a rose-copper poncho, “Mary-” she gestured towards the hintlady, “Florence, Piper and Zadie.” she waved to the blonde, a short-haired brunette in a loose-fitting shirt and boots, and a tall woman in a dark grey poncho and bandanna over her mouth and nose. Piper waved, but the others remained a little hesitant to speak or show any friendly gestures towards these strangers.

“Wait, where’s the old woman we got out?” Five asked, glancing around. There were a few military bunk beds on the other side of the room and a lump in one of them. One of the beds had a bunch of hints tacked to the wall nearby, and there was a guitar with a busted string resting against another. Several Joy masks hung from the bedposts. “That’s her?”  
“Yeah.” Sammy nodded.  
“Is she talking now?”  
“Yeah, and she has been for a while. Her name is--"  
"That's not important right now.” Zadie snapped. “We need to know where we’re going from here. We need a plan.”  
“We were thinking about heading back to the List and setting up camp there,” Five explained, and Buddy nodded.  
“I have seagulls hanging nearby, turning into jerky. There’s a river nearby, and the nearest vendors aren’t so far away. Hardly anyone comes along anyway, since everyone knows it’s my territory.”  
“Not a bad idea, but it’s a long way back to the East.” Mary said, pulling a map out from under her mattress. “We’re almost in the Outer region here.”  
“We have a truck.” Benny explained. “We need to walk a bit to go back and get it, but it’ll make the rest of the trip a breeze. Some of us would have to stay in the back, but it's a better option than walking."  
Sammy nodded. "Alright, yeah, yeah… and then what happens when we get to the List?"  
"We stay?" Five suggested. "Build a few shacks?"  
"Oh!" Florence rushed over to her bed, pulling something out from under her pillowcase. "We can plant these!"  
She held up a bunch of different seed packets. "I had these in my pocket before the Flash and never got to use them… I always kept them, just in case there was a chance of having good food again."  
"See? Look, it's all coming together already." Benny grinned. "We'll build a brand new colony where none of you ladies will have to worry about unwanted advances, and those two can be gay married-" he waved towards Alex and Joel, who had to suppress laughter- "And nothing bad will ever happen to any of us again."  
"Until the next time I get my period." Sammy joked, cracking herself up. "Still haven't figured out how to deal with that shit yet. Anyway… when will we be going?"  
"We should rest first." Five said, and her party nodded. "Do you guys have any food?"  
"Ah, man, do we…" Mary grinned, heading over to a trapdoor in the corner. "Hold on, guys, you'll love this. This place came with a huge storage room. There was plenty of stuff inside already, plus everything we took from the Joy Boys when we got away." 

She swung the trapdoor open, and began to climb down the stairs. The others followed her cautiously, careful not to hit their heads on the ceiling.  
Mary shuffled down and pulled on the string that connected to a light bulb, and it dimly lit the room they were in.  
It was incredible. There was a shelf opposite them, stacked with cans of soup, tinned peaches and pears, along with a mesh bag full of different types of jerky-- mystery, “domestic”, horse.

“Holy shit.” Buddy murmured, taking a can of peaches in her hand.  
“I know. Even with you guys around, this’ll last us a good long while. Until we get back to the List and can grow our own, at least.”  
“Good to know we won’t be starving anytime soon.” Joel grinned.  
“Definitely not.” Mary took a few cans in her arms. “C’mon, we haven’t eaten in a while.”

They traversed back up the stairs, Piper handing each of them a can. Five and Sammy sat together on her bed, Sammy cutting their cans open with her knife.  
Buddy took her can curiously, looking inside. She raised it to her lips and was pleasantly surprised by how sweet the contents were. She smiled, placing the can to the side. She didn’t want to have too much too fast and get sick.

“So…” Benny spoke, and Buddy glanced over to him to see that he had immediately wolfed down most of his peaches. “Anyone wanna play another one of those question games?”  
“Like the Joy Mutant one we had?” Five asked, glancing over at him.  
“Yeah, exactly.”  
“What question d’you have in mind?”  
“Okay, uh… counterclockwise around the room from me, what was the best and worst moment of your life so far?” Benny glanced at Alex, who was sitting on his left side.  
“Well, Jesus. That’s a lot to put on a guy.” Alex managed a slight smile.  
“You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.”  
“No, I… I will. Uh, best moment… well, one day, my aunt came home with this tape for me. Kung-fu training tape. And I cannot stress how excited I was when she handed it to me. I started watching it immediately. Trained my whole life on that thing. I could probably recite it word for word if you asked me to.”  
“Please don’t.” Mary snickered.  
“I won’t.”  
“And your worst moment?” Benny asked.  
“Well, I…” Alex looked down. “I joined this martial arts tournament, years and years later. I was nineteen, and I thought I was good enough, but the competitor just… kept knocking me down again and again and nothing I did had any effect on him. I tried everything, but I still lost.”  
“Shit, man.”  
“Yeah. That really destroyed my self-confidence for a long time. I mean, I’ve been shot, shanked, beat to hell. I recovered from that. But the world tournament? That still hurts.”  
“No wonder. Anyway… Joel?”  
“Hm. Well, best moment of my life was meeting this guy. Everything got better for me after I did.” he grinned, nudging Alex, who smiled in return. “Worst part… I dunno. Breaking my ribs?”

“Fair. Buddy?” The girl sat up straighter, licking the peach juice off her lips.  
“Best part? I think it was… Christmas. That was the happiest I’ve been in a long, long time… for my worst part, take your freakin’ pick. Nearly overdosing on Joy, seeing my dad die in front of me, birthing my son, losing my eye, losing my arm.”  
“Okay, okay. We get it. Mary? Is that your name?”  
“Yeah. Hm. Best part… making hints!”  
“Really? _That’s_ the best part of your life?” Joel asked, slightly confused. “I mean, you do you, but that’s so… simple.”  
“Yeah! I love knowing I’m helping others! And people respect me for them. Sammy respects me, at least.”  
“I do.” Sammy raised her can in a toasting gesture.  
“Alright, that’s fair.” Benny nodded. “Worst part?”  
“Having Linda write all over my hints… it made me feel awful.”  
“I mean… alright. Florence? That’s your name?”  
“That’s me!” She cracked a nervous smile. “Uh, best part… my wedding day! Worst part was these horrible neighbor kids trampling up my flower garden.”  
“You were married?” Mary asked, turning to her curiously.  
“For a while… they dissapeared after the White Flash, though.” Florence hung her head slightly. “Actually, worst part was losing my spouse… I miss them.”  
“Okay, uh--”  
“Skip me.” Zadie demanded, and Piper nodded. “Yeah, this is dumb. Skip me.”

“Geez, alright… Sammy, then.” Sam sat up a bit, placing her empty can to the side.  
“Best part of my life…” she murmured, thinking. “Hm. I went to acting camp once when I was like fifteen. Spent two weeks there with like-minded people, laughing it up, singing, dancing, doing improv. Improv was definitely my favorite part of it.”  
“That’s cool.”  
“Yeah. Worst part was… well, I was pretty low around the time the Flash happened. Sleeping with anyone who’d have me. After the Flash, I bummed around taking Joy for a while… it was so fucking hard getting myself off it. Withdrawal was probably the worst part of my life.”  
“Makes sense.” Benny turned towards Five and grinned. “Five-O!”  
Five shook her head, smiling at the dumb nickname. “Well… best part of my life was probably… the period between getting away from the compound I grew up in and before the Flash. I got a taste of freedom for a little while. I could eat whatever I wanted, do whatever I wanted. Every day was so exhilarating. Worst part? Escaping from the Joy Boys’ compound. Hearing all the chaos, seeing all those people die around me… it was horrific. I never want to experience that again. Benny, you wanna wrap us up?”  
“Oh… yeah, okay. Best part of my life was… the days I spent with my old friends. Hanging out, just dicking around, going on adventures. Worst part was definitely after they died. I felt like… I had no purpose anymore. No friends. No hope. I needed that back so bad.”

There was silence save for the hum of lights.  
“...Man, I bet that makes me sound like such a loser.” Benny laughed, and Five shook her head.  
“Not really, man,” she said. “Friends… well, our relationships are kind of the only thing that matters anymore.”  
“I guess that’s true.”  
“It’s definitely true,” said Mary, pulling her legs up to her chest. She yawned.  
“You guys must be tired,” commented Sammy. “I think we should all settle in. We gotta pack up and go tomorrow.”  
“Yeah, alright. You guys have sleeping bags or anything?”  
“We do. Hold on.” Florence got up and went back down into the basement, coming back up a few minutes later with a couple of sleeping bags, tossing them to the newcomers as the women hopped into their beds and began to settle in.

\---

Sammy and Five slept in the same bed-- it opened the one above them up for Buddy and her son to rest, and after being apart for so long they needed that comfort and reassurance. Sammy lay on Five’s chest, her messy hair tickling her friend’s face. After the others became silent save for a bit of snoring, Sam opened her eyes.

“...Fivey? You awake?”  
“Mmm… don’t want to be. But yes.”  
“Okay.” She paused. “I’m glad you’re here.”  
“Me too.” Five pressed her face into Sammy’s hair sleepily. “Did you really think I wouldn’t come back?”  
“Yeah. I know how smart and strong you are, but… the people out there are ruthless.”  
“I understand. Why’d you leave the trail of fives, though?”  
“I didn’t. Mary did. She wanted to leave a trail of hints, but I thought it would be too suspicious, too much of a risk. Fives are more…”  
“Inconspicuous.”  
“Yeah. And they’d have a meaning to you, but they wouldn’t to anyone else.”  
“I guess so. But you thought I wasn’t coming back.”  
“No. But she believed in you. She wanted to leave the trail, just in case.”  
“It’s a good thing she did.”  
“Yeah… I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay. I can’t blame you.”  
“Of course you can.”  
“I’m not going to.”  
“...Thanks, Fivey. I’m glad I have you back. You keep us all together.”  
“Of course. Now rest, we’ll need it.”  
“Okay. Goodnight, Fivey.”  
“Night, Sammy.”

The two women curled up close together, Sammy nestling into her friend’s neck. Five held her tightly until the sun came in through the cracks in the door and the others began to stir.


	9. Possibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nostalgia brings all sorts of people together.

The first thing the party did before leaving the building was pack for their long trek back to the List. Each of them took a means of storage and shoved as many foodstuffs as they could carry within-- whether that was a knapsack, the bag of assorted jerkys, or even a pillowcase or two. The women wore masks to protect themselves, and when the group was prepared enough, they set off on foot back the way Five's group came, heading for that little desolate town with the bar and blinding vendor. They walked until they could bear it no longer and set up camp in the vale they'd passed through previously, most of them falling asleep very quickly. The journey was ruthless and exhausting.

Alex found it a little strange that him and the old woman were the last ones left awake in the end. He honestly didn't know what to say to her, or if he should say anything at all.  
He supposed not. She was hunched over slightly in a large, scratchy poncho, smoking a cigarette. He decided not to initiate conversation. Instead, she did it for him.

"You don't recognize me, do you?" she asked at last, letting her beady black eyes fall on him.  
"I'm sorry?" He turned to look at her. No, he didn't recognize her, and he was about to say as much before she spoke again.  
"Alex." She glared at him. "You're telling me you don't remember me."  
He was trying to connect her to a memory in his mind. She saw that he was still confused and shook her head.  
"I'm Chie, dumbass," she snapped. "Chie Teal?"  
"Oh, Christ!" he said, nearly as a reflex-- he almost jumped upon hearing her name again. She snorted in reply, the way she always used to do at the shitty jokes only they thought were funny back in the ninth grade.  
"What, is your memory gone, old man?"  
"Pretty much…" Alex admitted sheepishly. "It's good to see you again, though. I'm glad you're still alive."  
"And kickin'." Chie grinned at him. "I guess I get it if I haven't been on your mind much for a while, what with the constant threat of getting killed by someone around here."  
"Don't even start with that." Alex smiled back. "I've nearly died about three times since I saw you last."  
"I assume they were all pretty cool ways to go."  
"If you count getting shot in the back, shanked while asleep and nearly getting beaten to death, yes."  
"Christ, Al, what have you been up to?" she asked, calling him by the old nickname she had for him. It made him nostalgic.  
"Oh, you know. I was a garbageman for a while."  
"Yes, I've heard that's one of the most dangerous professions."  
"No, but it was one of the world's most disgusting. I stole other people's rations to stay alive after the Flash, though, and one day I got caught stealing from the Rando Army. They shot me and dumped me on Garbage Island."  
"I've heard nothing good about that place."  
"Yeah, well… I met my partner there, so."  
"Partner'?" Chie raised an eyebrow. Alex nodded, gesturing towards the man laying beside him.  
"He found me and patched me up. We went on quite the journey together."  
"I assume that's when he let you get stabbed and beaten half to death."  
"He nearly shot the man who shanked me, thank you very much." Alex narrowed his eyes at her. Chie snickered, and the old man frowned.

"What's so funny?"  
"I can tell you love him."  
Alex smiled again, but only slightly. "What gave that away?"  
"You're very defensive of him. You used to act the exact same way towards me in highschool, do you remember?"  
"...Ah. Yes. I do." He looked away sheepishly, slightly embarrassed after being reminded of his stupid, angsty schoolboy crush. Chie paid it no mind.  
"Chin up, man, I always knew you liked me. I thought it was funny. Never felt the same."  
"I didn't have to know that."  
"Ah, well, what does it matter now?" She shrugged. "S'all said and done. And clearly you've moved on."  
"I have. I regret that we stopped talking, though."  
"Okay."  
"And you don't?"  
"So what if I do?" Chie took another puff of her cigarette. It went down in the experienced manner of someone who'd been smoking for years. "Does it matter?"  
"It matters to me."  
Chie shook her head. "You're an old fool."  
"Maybe so. Doesn't change anything."  
She sighed. "All right. Fine. Yes. I missed you. You happy?"  
"No." Alex replied, and Chie squinted at him. "I want to know why you didn't show up for the world tournament."  
"Because we stopped talking afterwards?"  
"Yes."  
"I can't believe you're still hung up over that."  
"Well, I am. That was a very difficult part of my life, and you weren't there for me."  
Chie said nothing.  
"So why didn't you come?"  
"It doesn't matter."  
"Yes, it does. Unless you didn't care for me as much as you say you did."  
"Alex."  
"It's a simple question."  
"There's no point in answering."  
"Yes, there is. It'll ease my mind a bit."  
"...Fine." Chie sighed, fidgeting with her cigarette. "I didn't come because I forgot the tournament was going on. So I went off to drink somewhere. You satisfied?"

Alex stared at her for a moment. The whole situation was so absurd he couldn't help but begin to laugh.  
"Now what's so funny?" she asked, looking at him with something like concern. Not quite, but it was similar.  
"...I spent _so_ much time wondering why you didn't come. I felt so betrayed for so long, I analyzed every interaction we had beforehand over and over in my head to try and figure out why you'd just leave me there. And to learn that you didn't just blow me off, or anything like that-- that you just forgot, that's incredible."  
" _Incredible_?"  
"In a bad way. In the worst possible way."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Okay. I don't forgive you."  
Chie nodded slowly, sadly. "That's understandable. But I need to ask you something, too."  
"What?"  
"Why didn't you ask me about it afterwards? You didn't have to wait until now."  
"I called you after I lost. You weren't there."  
"So you just gave up?"  
"I wanted to distance myself for a little while. And that little while became a long time without talking to you, and eventually felt like it would be awkward if I spoke to you again… so I didn't."  
"You fucked up on that front, buddy."  
"Yeah, well, you fucked up too."  
"I'm not denying that. In fact, I think I fucked up worse. But you could have talked to me. That's all I'm saying."  
"I know. I wish I did."  
"I wish you did too. But, again… I don't think it matters now."  
"Chie… I think the opposite is true. Really. What _do_ you think matters now?"  
"Nothing."  
"You're wrong. The relationships we have with other people, the bonds… they're all that matters. They're all we have left. We need to take care of them. What happened in the past is just as important as what's happening now."  
"Alex Churchland, the last living philosopher," Chie mused, and Alex shook his head.  
"I'm just saying… we shouldn't deny that this means something. Because it does. Or, at least, it _did_ … and that in and of itself means something. We both cared about each other, and those memories are still there. That counts. It counts for something."  
"What, do you wanna try and be friends again? Buddies? Pals? You wanna make friendship bracelets and push each other on the swings?"  
"You don't need to make it sound so childish. I loved you, Chie."  
"Don't say that."  
"No, not _just_ crushing on you-- I really did care about you. I still do."  
"Romeo, sweet Romeo…"  
"Stop. That's not what this is."  
"I don't know what to tell you."  
"If you don't want to be friends with me-- if you don't want to be _anything_ with me, just say so. Don't beat around the bush. I'll be fine. I have other friends now."  
Chie sighed again, flicking the butt of her cigarette into the fire. "I don't know what I want, Alex."  
"I guess it's a bit hard to, now that there isn't much to want."  
"What do _you_ want?"  
Alex took a moment to mull it over. "I want to live in peace. I'm getting too old to keep running and compromising. I'm tired of it all. I want to find a quiet place to rest and live out the rest of my days. Preferably, not alone."  
"In Olathe? Get real. There's always gonna be trouble from now on, until the last of us are in the ground. You're never going to get a happily ever after, or whatever it is you want."  
"That might be true. But we can minimize the trouble."  
"You're too optimistic."  
"I don't see why I need to settle. And no matter what you say, I'm not going to."  
"You're stubborn, too. That's a bit of a better trait."  
"Thanks."  
"I guess you're gonna be just as stubborn trying to get us to be chums again."  
"Yes, I think so."  
"I admire that." Chie smiled at him. He smiled back. There was something off between them, they could both see that, but he was hoping they were simply bent, not broken. "I think I'll go to sleep now. You're keeping watch?"  
"Yes, I guess I will."  
"All right. Don't use me as a meat shield if anything happens."  
"Thanks for the idea."

They both laughed softly, and Chie settled back onto the ground, and soon enough there was nothing left but the chirping of crickets and the breathing of those around him.

\---

It only took another day or so to get back to the town where they abandoned the truck. It was ransacked for everything of any value within, which meant the blankets were gone-- but it still worked, and that's what mattered. The women crawled into the car for safety, and the others (including Buddy) sat in the back, eyes peeled for any trouble.  
As soon as they were all in, the truck left, beginning the long drive home. To pass time, Buddy pulled her pad of paper and crayons back out, flipping to a clean sheet and trying to draw again, her son on her lap. She bit her lip anxiously as she dragged it across the page; this felt much worse than drawing with her other hand, and all that was left were some scribbles. She grit her teeth, pressing harder, and that's when the crayon broke cleanly in two. The pink one. Her favorite.

Benny heard the little snap and shifted over to her to investigate. He could clearly see she was trying hard not to cry, despite the fact that as far as she knew there was no attention on her. Alex was falling asleep, and Joel didn't seem to be focusing on anything but the landscape changing around them.  
"You okay, Bud?" he asked softly, and she shook her head.  
"I can't draw anymore. My arm, it's…" she trailed off, trying to stifle a sob, and he nodded. "I get it. It's because you were right-handed."  
She hiccuped, and Benny took a red crayon from the dirty little box, taking the paper pad from her and starting to draw. Buddy's sorrow was replaced with curiosity.  
"What're you doing?"  
"Drawing you something. Just hold on a sec."  
She nodded, waiting patiently and wiping the residual wetness from her eyes. After a few minutes, Benny smiled slightly, putting the red crayon back into the box.  
"Alright, so… it's not great, but it's the best I could do. You wanna see?"  
"Yeah."  
He handed the pad back to her. It was a drawing of her with a crown on. He'd drawn her with only one eye and one arm-- but from what Buddy could see he'd taken liberties to show that she was pretty despite that. It reassured her in a way words wouldn't have been able to. She beamed.  
"You like it?"  
"I love it." She pulled him into a hug, and Benny was taken aback for a moment, but he hugged her back.  
"I know it doesn't fix everything… but I thought it'd cheer you up. And besides, eventually you'll be able to draw with that hand again! You just need to practice. Maybe when we stop you can try to draw in the dirt."  
"Yeah… I don't want to waste my paper."  
"You can go back to your paper when you feel ready."  
"Thanks, Benny."  
"Of course, kid. We love you."

It seemed to him that Buddy struggled for a moment, mulling it over before replying "I… I love you guys, too."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. I just… have... a really hard time saying so."  
"I get it, Bud. But you're not gonna feel this way forever."  
"No?"  
"Yeah. It feels like you are, but you're not. If you ask for help and express things the way you just did, it starts to go away."  
Buddy wiped her eyes again. "Since when were you so… wise and wisdom-ey?"  
"I'm not." Benny snickered. "I got a lot of that dialogue from Five… her coping sessions work wonders. You should join us more often, kid."  
"Yeah… okay. Maybe I will."  
"You should. We can play catch afterward if you want."  
"I'd like that. Just aim for my left side, okay?"  
They laughed together for a moment.  
"Yeah… of course."

\---

The campfire that night was another chilly, unfriendly one at first. The two groups didn't fully trust one another yet, despite Five's attempts at mediation. Mary seemed fine with everything-- but the four other women were still hesitant, or outright suspicious. They even seemed to be wary around Buddy, who should have suspected that-- despite her tiny, frail frame, and missing arm, she killed so many, including the most powerful man in Olathe. They feared her. Buddy used to like that feeling. Now it just felt lonely. The only worse feeling was tension. The air around the campfire was disgustingly tight and claustrophobic. It reminded her of her last days within the little mud hut with her father and uncles. She was about to… to cry, or _explode_ from the pressure when Benny initiated small talk. 

"So… one of you plays guitar?" he asked, looking over at the newcomers. Sammy hesitantly nodded.  
"I played for money before the Flash. Found that one in an abandoned shed, but now one of the strings is busted."  
"You could have kept it," he suggested. "Used it as garotte wire."  
She shook her head, smiling slightly. "Wasn't long enough."  
"Do you still play?"  
"Sometimes. It's a stress relief. Sucks to not have sheet music, though."  
"Can you play now?" Buddy perked up.  
"I'd rather not."  
"Aw, c'mon… I've never heard guitar music before."  
Five nudged her friend, and she sighed. "Alright. But one of you needs to hand it to me, I'm not getting up."

Benny stood up and headed back to the truck, pulling the beat-up guitar out and handing it to Sammy, who took it by the neck, taking it and beginning to strum a calming tune. No lyrics, and she slipped up every so often-- but it was a relief to all of them to hear music again. A slight reminder of what life was like before. Five hummed along as Buddy shifted closer towards Sammy's guitar, almost enraptured by the music. Sammy smiled at her, taking her hand and gently placing it on the instrument's body so she could feel the vibrations as she strummed. Buddy almost gasped, in awe. She kept her hand there for a while before pulling it back and just appreciating the sound.  
The crackles of the fire seemed to provide the backbeat for Sammy's strumming. Baby curled up in his mother's arm, silent as always, lulled to sleep by the song. It lasted for a few more minutes, long enough to put a smile on all their faces, before Sammy's hands were raw, and she put the guitar back on the ground. There was a scattered but enthusiastic applause from around the fire.

"That was great," Joel said at last. "I damn near forgot where I was."  
"Yeah," Benny agreed. "Felt like I was at home for a little while."  
Sammy managed to smile, her eyes tired. "Yeah? Might do this again sometime. Right now, though, I'm beat. Someone put this back and grab my sleeping bag."  
Benny took the guitar again, putting it away and tossing Sammy her bag. She shuffled into it, getting comfy.  
"Yeah, I'm tired, too." Mary stated. "Is it bedtime?"  
"Guess so." Benny shrugged. "I'll keep watch. You guys rest."  
"Thanks, kid." Joel smiled at him. "Night then, all."  
There was a smattering of 'goodnight's around the area, and a period of shuffling as the others got comfy. Benny went to sit down between Buddy and Five. Buddy laid her head on his hip and Five rested on his shoulder. They stayed that way until they were sure the others had drifted off.

"I can't believe he sleeps with his hat on," Benny commented, with a glance over at Joel. Five snickered.  
"You sleep with your sunglasses on."  
"Because most of the time we go to sleep when the sun is up." he said defensively, and Five shook her head.  
"Hats shield your eyes too, Benny."  
"But wouldn't it be uncomfortable?"  
"And _sunglasses_ aren't?"  
"No, I don't even know I have them on most of the time."  
"God. They're gonna end up fusing to your body."  
"I'd be fine with that." Benny joked, and Five shook her head. They sat in comfortable silence for a while.

"I still have that stress ball you gave me," he said, and Five smiled at him. "Yeah?"  
"Yeah. I finally found you something."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah! Hold on." He pulled a piece of cloth from his coat, holding it up for her. It seemed to be a sort of cloth mask, with a heart painted over the face.  
"...Is this some kind of love confession?"  
"What? Ew, no!" Benny faked gagging, and Five felt herself relax. "No. You remember the black one of these I have?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah! When I wear it, you can wear it. I guess I was just thinking that… when we get back to the List, we'll have to go out and commune with other groups for food. And I'm not smart with all that diplomacy stuff. You're better with it."  
"You're smart! You just got everyone to like each other with a guitar."  
"I did?" Benny squinted. "If I did, I wasn't trying."  
Five laughed. "Dude…"  
"No, listen. We'll have to go out and talk to others and get supplies, right? And I want you to come with me when we do that. Let the others relax. We'll act like we're warlords, all intimidating with our masks, guns out."  
"I like the sound of that. Except you'll have actual guns, and I'll have…" Five flexed, making Benny cackle.  
"Yeah, yeah! It'll be great."  
"Yeah. And we're gonna be okay. All of us."  
"You think so?"  
"Definitely. I'm not bullshitting you this time, either-- _we're going to be okay."_  
Benny smiled, wrapping an arm around Five's shoulders.  
"So… what do you think we should call ourselves?"  
"Huh?"  
"Our gang, I mean."  
"Oh… well, it'll have to do with love, right? Because of the hearts."  
"Yeah, yeah. Maybe… 'The Benevolents'."  
"I like that! Or… the Tenderhearts."  
"The Beatles. 'Cause all you need is love."  
Five laughed. "More like the beat-alls. Um… the Unrequiteds."  
"Sweethearts."  
"Shakespeares."  
"The Lovelies." Five cracked a toothy smile, and Benny groaned.  
"God. No."  
"Yeah, no. Let's think it over more in the morning."  
"Alright. You get some rest."  
"I will." Five squeezed his hand. "We're gonna be okay. Promise."  
"I believe you."  
"Okay. Goodnight, Benny."  
"Night, Five."

There were no words spoken between them for the rest of the night-- only Benny, the sound of Buddy's breathing, Joel's snoring, Sammy shifting in her sleeping bag, the distinguished lack of the human hum he'd gotten so used to, and the winding road before each of them, full of possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be the epilogue! after that i might fix some grammar mistakes in the story, but that'll be it for this one. i'll definitely write more lisa, but this story will be over. i had a blast writing it-- especially chapters five, seven & alex and chie's conversation in this one.
> 
> thanks to my constant readers! you gave me the motivation to finish this! much love to you all 😘


	10. Aftermath

Buddy Armstrong’s son was a little wanderer. Just as curious as she had been at that age, but with much more ability to explore than she had. From the day he’d begun to speak properly, he begged his mother to let him explore the area around the home she and the others had made for themselves. She was hesitant at first. Outsiders (pacifists, all of them, anyone with weapons was turned away) had shown up and asserted themselves within their community multiple times- Terry and his crew, a man named Reginald and his son, a citygoer named Gale Wonder who was exiled from his gang- if they could find this spot, thugs could, too, and hurt Baby. Yet despite the risks, she allowed it, accompanying her son on hikes around their region of Olathe. It strengthened his ability to do so, and when the sweet little tyke began to run without issue, she allowed her mutated father to traverse with him as she dealt with the other mutants, playing music on her trumpet to soothe them and keep them placated. She’d gotten much better with time and practice, able to perform anything from bouncy, jazzy songs to marches to slower, more melancholy tunes. Sammy had taught her how to write her own with sheet music and notes and everything-- they wrote a few together. Buddy never gave her music lyrics, but sometimes the others did, having great fun while doing so.

Today, Buddy was playing to call her father and son back home, sitting on a stump near their village, some of her mutants lying on her feet. She’d gotten more and more fond of them over time. It wasn’t long before she saw her messy-haired son running towards her and his grandfather dragging himself along behind him. Buddy put her trumpet back down, kneeling down to scoop Baby into her arm as he came crashing into her.  
“Mama, Mama!” he giggled as his mother lifted him up. Buddy smiled, glad that her son didn't take too long to return.  
"Hello, there," she said, pulling him up and starting to walk back into town. Her hair had been washed and untangled by Five earlier that day- it was a special occasion, after all- and she had it down for the first time in what felt like years. Baby began to play with it, grabbing it in his small fists as Buddy entered the village-- the large group of shacks, more like. It looked like a very poor area, but they’d done the best they could. The trashy huts kept them warm in the colder months (thankfully, they weren’t even that cold) and at least provided them enough room to live in. They’d made pseudo-roads out of little stones, dug through the hard shell of the earth to find dirt and planted seeds, and placed pretty little things like flower pots and colorful bits of cloth-- or in one case, hints, and another case, glitter (Buddy had no idea where Gale got the glitter from) in front of their homes to try and brighten things up. It worked-- or at least it made things look less drab. The village overlooked a pond of mostly clear water. Not fit for drinking (without hours of boiling) or swimming in, but certainly fit for washing things in.

As she entered the village, she saw Nern tending the farm, bouncing slightly. His bald head looked a bit more shiny than usual, his braid packed tightly.  
"Hey, Nern," Buddy smiled, walking over to him. The older man wheeled around to face her, beaming.  
"Buddy, dear, how nice to see you!" he said pleasantly. "Good day for a wedding, isn't it? Sunny and warm, just how it should be. Though you haven't been around for any other weddings, have you? You'd have none to compare it to! I remember when I married my wife--"  
Buddy cleared her throat, stopping the man in his tracks. "I just wanted to say hi."  
"Ah. Yes, well, hello. I'll see you later, Buddy, hm?" They nodded to each other, and she continued on, clutching her little boy. As she passed by some of the huts, she saw Reginald bouncing outside his, preparing his jig for after the vows. She also saw Sammy relaxing in her hammock by her and Five's shack, tuning her guitar until it sounded just right. She waved to her, and the older woman waved back. She didn't stop to talk, though. She walked to the second-last hut on that little road, beside the one covered in glitter. She took her elbow, moving the curtain that acted as a door and stepping inside. 

Alex was sitting within on a stool, resting on a rickety old table, staring at himself in a piece of glass. He was wearing a white poncho Five dug up-- it was only slightly dirty, thankfully. He saw Buddy in the glass and turned around to face her.  
"Buddy."  
"Hey. I just wanted to check on you."  
"Oh, I'm fine."  
"Good. I'd assume you're pretty excited, it being your big day and all?"  
Alex chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh, don't… it's not that big. I didn't want it to be, anyway, but then everyone got excited and put a whole thing together."  
Buddy sat down on the mattress in the corner of the room, with a few blankets neatly spread onto it to make it look nicer. It was held up with a few small stacks of mags and bibles. "Yeah. I thought you wouldn't want a big celebration."  
"I didn't, but I'm not objecting."  
"I wouldn't, either. You don't have any doubts, or anything?"  
"...I wouldn't say doubts." Alex rubbed the back of his head. "For one, this poncho looks like a dress."  
"So? You look good either way."  
"Yeah. I guess I shouldn't be getting so hung up on gender roles." He grinned, showing off his busted teeth. "But I don't think it's the flashiness of it all, or the poncho. I think I'm mostly worried about… leaving Joel behind."  
"What do you mean?" Buddy sat up slightly, her son sucking his thumb.  
"I mean… look at me, kid. I'm getting really old. And we don't have medicine, or an easy way of life. I'm not gonna be around for a lot longer."  
"Alex… don't say that."  
"It's true. I've got a few more years left in me. Maybe a decade, if I'm lucky. Joel seems to think I am. But I don't have a lot of time."  
"He's just as old as you are."  
"He wears it a lot better. His eyes are going, and that's all. My body… it's breaking down more and more by the day. I'm always sore, I'm always tired… and I wouldn't be so scared of dying if I didn't have him. I don't want to promise him a forever and then up and die. Plus I have a track record of getting into life-or-death situations…" For a moment, the stabbing scars on his neck were more visible to Buddy. She put her son down, walked over and placed her hand on Alex's shoulder.  
"Hey. Even if you do die tomorrow, you have an opportunity to be happy today. Take it. This is rare."  
"I know it is. And I didn't say I was going to back out."  
"You implied it."  
"How?"  
"By only giving me reasons why you wouldn't want to get married today. Can you give me some for why you'd want to?"  
The old man blinked. "Well… Joel is funny. And he's earnest. And kind to me. I trust him, and he trusts me."  
"All good reasons."  
"And he can pick me up and carry me with one arm, like… like a suitcase." Alex wheezed like a kettle letting off steam.  
"Not a reason to get married, but okay."  
"I dunno. I think it's comforting to know that when my legs stop working he can just throw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carry me wherever I need to go."  
"Or like a garbage bag?"  
"Ugh. Don't talk to me about garbage. I've had enough of it to last a lifetime."  
"Of course." Buddy smiled, fixing Alex's poncho so that the scars on his neck were no longer visible. "You enjoy yourself today."  
"Okay."

Buddy turned and picked her son back up, turning to leave. But before she left, she glanced back at him.  
"We still on for practice tomorrow?"  
"Definitely. I think you're ready for the Minor Iris."  
"Sounds great. I'm looking forward to it."  
They exchanged smiles, and Buddy left the shack.

\---

The ceremony was simple and sweet. Five ministered the union, going through some lines about staying together through hard times, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, richer or poorer. Buddy assumed they were traditions left over from before the Flash. She heard applause wind up around her as Five pronounced them husbands and they embraced. Buddy clapped along, too-- that's what she thought she was supposed to do. She was hoping all the noise didn't set off the Joy Mutants lazing on the outskirts of the village. It didn't.

The celebration afterwards was better. All of them gathered in the village square and chugged from bottles of soup until their stomachs could hold no more. Buddy saw the others gathered in groups, talking in hushed tones about people they'd loved in a prior life or else taking each other by the arms, singing loudly and merrily, without a care in the world. She only had to look to her right to see Benny and Gale arm-in-arm, cheerily belting tunes of their own (re?)invention. She was entirely sure at least one of them was drunk. She heard Terry tell a story about how he'd been the victim of identity theft, Nern interrupting to ask questions every time the hintlord paused, and Chie telling embarrassing stories about Alex to anyone who would listen.   
She sat near the fire pit with her son, sipping on soup and playing pat-a-cake with him until the sun began to set and things calmed down. Five was beaming, her cheeks red, resting on Sammy, who was playing her guitar and singing love songs in a surprisingly lilted voice. Gale was nodding his head to the song, and Alex and Joel were slow dancing a little ways away.

Buddy went and sat down nearby as Sammy finished the song, going and placing the guitar down by her feet. Five shuffled a bit closer to her, and Sammy wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
"I've had about enough of that for now." she said as Alex and Joel went to sit back by the fire.  
"What gives?" Joel asked, fixing his hat. "We were just getting into it over there."  
"Tough titty, old man, my fingers hurt. Might play again later, though."  
"Surprising you haven't grown calluses," Gale mused. "I can't seem to help but do so, despite the fact that I don't want them."  
"Welcome to the 'getting old' club, buddy." Alex grinned, and the scarred man scoffed.  
"I'm not that old. Even if I am, I certainly don't want to age like you."  
"Oh, no one does. Not even I want to age like me."  
"Ah, be nice to yourself, man." Five glanced over at him from her cozy spot in Sammy's arms. "You got married today. Just take the win. Don't worry about being old."  
"All right, all right."

By the time people were tired enough to start clearing out, Five was resting on Sammy's shoulder and Nern was falling asleep on his stool. Buddy shifted towards Benny, nudging him. She should see he was tired, too, but he looked at her and smiled.  
"Hey, Bud. What's up?"  
"Not much," she admitted. "Other than all this."  
"Yeah. Today was a pretty crazy day. I haven't been to a wedding in years."  
"I've never been to a wedding before."  
"Oh, course not. You were born before the Flash. I always forget."  
"Don't know how. Was this one like the ones they used to have before?"  
"Pretty similar, yeah. 'Cept they'd be a lot more fancy. Flowers and lace and stuff."  
"Sounds mushy."  
"Love is mushy." Benny replied, making them both snicker.  
"Yeah… how long are you staying?" Buddy asked.  
"I dunno. Think I might turn in soon. You coming with me?"  
"No, I meant… when are you going off again?"  
"Tomorrow." he replied simply. "We always need more food. Me and Five just stayed for the wedding."  
Buddy frowned. "It's always so boring without you around, though."  
"I'd tell you to come with, but what would the mutants do without you? What would happen to Bramble or Montague or Rafè?"  
She elbowed him lightly, making him laugh. "You know I only name them to pass time."  
"Doesn't change the fact that you name them."  
"Still, though… I miss you when you aren't here. And Five. Things are better when you guys are here."  
"I know, sport, but we all need to eat. I'll see if we can stay a little longer next time we come back."  
"Alright…" Buddy glanced up at the sky. There were a couple of stars out that night. "Before you leave, I wanna show you something."  
"Okay."  
"It's a bit of a walk."  
"Alright… but I'm going to sleep the minute we get back."  
"That's fine. Just follow me." Buddy stood up, Baby still nestled in her remaining arm. Benny followed her.

They walked past the List, past the remaining pink flags with lime polka dots until they came to a shallow grave, marked with two sticks aligned to form a cross, a red skull mask hanging from the upright stick.

"...What's this, Buddy?" Benny asked, squinting slightly. He'd seen that mask before, he just couldn't recognize where.  
"It's my brother's grave." she said softly.   
"Your brother?"  
"Yeah. Adopted, I guess. I don't really know what that means, but his dad was my dad too. His name was Dusty. You probably know him as Rando."  
"Your brother was Rando? Holy shit, Buddy, no wonder you're so badass…"  
Buddy chuckled slightly. "No… Dusty wasn't badass. He was the biggest nerd I ever knew. Besides you, of course."  
"Hey!"  
"He had a good heart, though…"  
"Rando the ruthless warlord had a good heart." Benny raised an eyebrow.  
"Yes, he did. All he ever wanted was peace. He tried to use me to attain it."  
"Ah."  
"Yeah. I didn't accept it at the time. I never wanted to be locked up again. I didn't want a burden like that. He said he'd help me shoulder it, but…"  
"I don't think you'd be able to save the planet by yourself, anyway. Even if we were strict about the genetics and stuff. Even if you had five hundred daughters. You and the other women combined wouldn't be able to."  
"I know that now. That just makes everything I've gone through all the more stupid. When those men were trying to take advantage of me… they didn't want to save the planet. They just wanted their dicks wet. Not Dusty, though. He never laid a finger on me. I don't think he stopped to consider genetics or anything at all."  
"Probably not. And that's probably true."  
"But I've been thinking about him lately. How much he'd like it here. It's peaceful. We accept outsiders. It's what he always wanted…"  
"Minus all the children he thought you’d have."  
"Yeah…" Buddy gazed at her son for a moment. "I don't think it was ethical of me to have any kids at all."  
"No?"  
"No. Not in this world. When I die, Baby’ll be all alone. And then what? Maybe he'll turn to Joy. Become a mutant. And I've never seen one of those die of natural causes before. He's doomed to eternal loneliness."  
"Bud, you're thinking too much.”  
"It's going to happen eventually."  
"Yes, it is. But for now, we're alive, and Baby’s alive, and we're surrounded by people who love us. We're not gonna get a happy ending, but things are good right now. And that's enough. In a place like this, shit, it's more than we could have hoped for."  
"...I guess you're right." Buddy nodded, gazing back down at the grave.   
"Now, c'mon. I'm sleepy, and nothing good’s gonna come out of depressing yourself before bed." She turned as she heard Benny's footfalls, and she followed him back to the village.

\---

Someone must have convinced her to start playing again, because Buddy could hear the strumming of Sammy's guitar through the thin metal walls. A few stained couch cushions kept together with a sheet made up Buddy's sleeping area, while Benny slept on an oversized beanbag chair on the opposite side of the shack, wrapped in a blanket, snoring. Baby was sleeping in a makeshift cradle by the entrance. Buddy shifted, getting comfy. The blanket she was cocooned in was scratchy and rough, but she didn't mind. At least she had it.

She was about to drift off when she saw a few shadowy figures shuffle in the darkness, their eyes pinpricks of light. They moved with the flickering of the campfire outside, scuttling on the rusty corrugated panel acting as the roof. Buddy stared at them for a while. They stared back. She wasn’t disturbed. She’d seen worse.  
Gathering her strength, she sat up and pulled a matchbox from under her cot, pulling a match out and striking the head against the box. It lit, and she held it up. The figures disappeared in the light, leaving no trace that they’d ever been there at all. Buddy relaxed, but only a bit-- the illusion was gone, but it still held power over her. She clutched the match tighter in her hand, not willing to put it out yet. 

“Christ, Buddy, turn out the lights,” Benny grumbled, making her jump. She waved the match around in her hand until the flame died.  
“Sorry.”  
“What’re you doing?” She heard the beads in the beanbag crackle and crunch as he sat up.  
“Just needed some light.”  
“...Alright.” Benny sat back, and Buddy crawled back into her cot. There was still conversation and music coming from outside, resounding and riotous. Contrasting that were Buddy and Benny, who were quiet, listening.

“Comforting, isn’t it?” Benny asked after a while. Buddy rolled onto her side.  
“What?”  
“The laughing. The singing.”  
“Yeah. It’s normally so quiet by now.”  
“Exactly. It’s nice, hearing people be happy.”  
“I’m still not used to it. Any of this.”  
“Me neither,” Benny admitted. “I like it, though. Coming home and seeing everyone happy. Or content, at least. I’ve never had that, this sense of… family. Community. Not even before the Flash.”  
“Never?”  
“Well… maybe when I was with my old friends. I always felt like we were brothers, y’know?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I said that once. I got told to fuck off.”  
“Ouch…” Buddy couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s alright. I don’t think he meant it. It’s just shit everyone said.”  
“Still, that must have hurt.”  
“It did. But I’ve learned to move on. I still think about them, and I still love them. But I don’t _pine_ for those days anymore.”  
“That’s good.”  
“Plus, I have you guys now. Me and Five make sure you guys can eat. I feel productive. I feel like I’m finally giving back to the people who make my life worth living.”  
Buddy chuckled. “That’s sappy.”  
“Well, it’s true. You and the others make my life better just by being around. I know it’s childish, but we all need a reason to live, and you guys are mine.”  
“Yeah… thanks.”  
“Of course. I think I should go to sleep now. We’re going to the outer region of Olathe tomorrow, and I need to be sharp. The people out there are lunatics.”  
“You’ll be safe, right?”  
“Buddy, hey. I’ve come back without a scratch every other time I’ve gone out, right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“This one won’t be any different. Trust me. Five and I can protect ourselves.”  
“Okay. Goodnight, Benny.”  
“Night, Bud. Sweet dreams.”

Buddy rolled onto her back, curling into her scratchy blanket. The sound of celebration was still resounding outside, lulling her to sleep. It took another hour for everything to die down, and when everyone had re-entered their shacks and gone to sleep all that was left were crickets and the empty Olathian night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! i'm incredibly proud of what i've done here, and i think this chapter was a good send-off to this. i hope my constant readers enjoyed this fic, and you can probably expect more lisa from me in the future. thanks to everyone who left kudos or commented, your support motivated me to finish this fic 💕


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